Polygamy

“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then(marry) only one…” (Qur’an 4:3-Surah An-Nisa')

In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously.In Islam, polygamy is allowed, with the specific limitation that men can only have up to four wives at any one time. However, the Qur'an specifically states that men who choose this route must deal with their wives as fairly as possible, doing everything that they can to spend equal amounts of time and money on each one of them. Although many Muslim countries still retain traditional Islamic law which permits polygamy, certain elements within some Muslim societies challenge its acceptability. For example, polygamy is prohibited by law in Tunisia, Turkey and Bosnia-Herzegovina. In general, Polygamy is not allowed if it will become a destructive behavior and carelessness. And the husband who is misusing it, he is basically misusing the law.

Polygamy is one of the controversial questions in the family system of Islam.There are people who object to polygamy, but accept polygamous life as a form of human behaviour. Many eyebrows are raised at having a second wife, 'but to have at many 'mistresses' or 'girlfriends' as one likes is accepted in good grace.It is the most hated & scared word among women.Even some try not to speak or imagine that word,afraid it might happen to them.Many women can't accept polygamy as it will mean sharing their beloved husband with other woman.

The following are the major disadvantages of polygamy from the Wife Perspective:
A. Less time with the husband; since his spared time is now shared between two or more wives
B. Less attention
C. Jealousy and unshared love; since the woman likes to have full attention and full unshared love from her partner.
D. Family malfunctioning and Chaos since husband spends less time with the children i.e. less discipline and guiding.
E. Less money saved or given to the wife and children since money should be shared co-equally with the other family.
F. Population problems that burden the society since both wives (may be more) are going to have children.
G. Unfairness and discrimination; since the husband can have more than one partner while the wife should marry only and exclusively one.

Islam allows polygamy on some condition and here are some of them:
a-The wife(s) has no objection about polygamy during or before the marriage contract. And if the husband disregards that, the wife has the right to raise that to the Islamic court.
b-Equitable treatment for all the wives
c-Number of wives not to exceed four.

I've seen polygamy practised in my family & surroundings.My auntie's husband married another woman a few years back.It was a shock to my auntie bcoz' his husband keep the marriage as a secret.Their long time marriage almost collapse, luckily it still can be saved until now.But my auntie still can't accept the second wife.My cousin's in-laws also practised polygamy but they can live harmoniously together under one roof.So here i can see 2 situations;the good & the bad result of polygamy.

As for me,i didn't reject the concept of polygamy bcoz' it's something that permitted by islam but i'm just not ready to face it in my life.I just couldn't imagine it happen to me.I just couldn't imagine sharing my husband with other woman;today he's with me & the other day he's with others.Like my collegue said,she couldn't imagine the same body she hug & sleep with,hugged & slept by other woman.I haven't think that far.It's not that i'm too greedy to keep him for myself but i'm afraid of sharing my love.I'm afraid he wouldn't love me heartily.I just couldn't imagine sleeping alone whereas he's sleeping with others.Yes everyone is jealous but jealousy with a cause.

My fiance once asked,what if someday he want to marry another woman as his second wife?I just keep silent.He said i can't object his request bcoz' that means i object the islamic rules.In order to be 'isteri mithali' or obedient wife,a wife should grant her husband's wishes.I gave him a simple answer;i'll allow him to marry another woman to avoid him committed the sin but then he has to grant my wishes.What is the condition?he asked.After marrying her,let me go or in a simple word,divorce me.He said,he can't divorce me as the first wife is the important person in a man's life.She's the one who's been through the good & the bad.He said,he can't & he wouldn't do that even if i raise it to the court.

The other day he asked again the same question.Jokingly i said,if u still want to marry another but reluctant to divorce me,i will allow but with a condition;i need a big car with a driver,a bungalow with a maid & monthly allowance.He said i'm such a materialistic woman.No,it's not about materialistic or not,it's mean he eligible to marry again if he can grant my wishes.I don't want him to remarry but at the same time burden his wives.It's hard to measure fair in love & feeling but we can see it clearly in terms of material.When u have more than a wife,it means ur financial condition should be solid enough to support them all.If he can give them all for me then i'll allow him to marry again.& i wouldn't mind if he won't see me as much as b4.I'm ready to live alone if he decided to marry again.I don't want to beg for his love & affection.I don't want to plead for his time.For he should know his responsibilty.I've known him for almost 7 years & i knew his current financial condition.But no one knows if one day he turns into a millionaire.