Friendship

I just didn't know why,suddenly i feel long for my friends.I'm aware that i've been friendless for quite sometimes now except for my fiance.I USED TO have a lot of friends;school friends,uni friends,office friends & others.But as the time passes,i've lost them.Is it bcoz' i purposely forget them or they just forgotton about me?

School friends;primary & secondary school, disappeared once we entered another phase of our lifes;university/college world.I just wonder why.I USED TO have few good friends during primary school but we became apart when we entered different secondary schools.Even though we were from the same village,it seems we couldn't clicked.Is it bcoz' they felt low bcoz' i've entered a chosen school?Then i USED TO befriend with others & we clicked so well but we also became apart when we entered different university & took different course after spm.Is it bcoz' we were far apart & couldn't relate anymore?Or we felt old friends couldn't understand us anymore better than our new friends?
Once i left uni,i found new friends at workplace but early on i still contacted my uni friends.I felt workplace friends can't match my uni friends, may be bcoz' we're in different fields & our thoughts are very different may be bcoz' of age & qualification level differences.But once again i bcame apart with my uni friends when they entered another life phase;marriage.It's not that i stay away from them.They're the one who had forgotton their 'single' friend.Erm,may be i just misassumption about them;may be they were bz with their new life,husband & kids.Or may be they think we,singleton,are not applicable anymore to them.Oh,i just don't know.But one thing i know,our lifes are different now.

So the only friend left is workplace friend.But as usual,they come & go.& many of them just disappear when they move to another company.May be they had found a new set of friends,more suitable,more applicable than me.But i found out that colleagues are only office friends.They share the same work experience but not our life.We laugh,we talk,we chat during office hour/at lunch/just b4 go home but it's over when we're at home.We can't relate our lifes.It seems that the older we get,the harder we can create new frienship.The older we are,the harder we open our life for new people,the harder we want to believe others.It's not like we're just a kid.So easy to befriend & never judge others to be our friend.

After years of friendship,not many left to be my friend.I have many friends but i want a truly friend who i can have a real talk,who can lend her shoulder for me to cry on,who can keep my secrets,who can listen to me without judging me,who can relate to me & the most important thing is who can be my mirror.I have 2 bestfriends;za & rocky.I've known them since my uni years.We share a lot of common not bcoz' we're still single & from the same state & same stream.We took same course at uni but we work in different field & state/area.We rarely see each other but we stay connected via hp/internet.We just can relate to each other.We respect each other.
I was close to rocky.I rarely see her since she's still in my hometown.I only see her when i went back to kt.But she frequently sms or call me.But i was closer to za bcoz' we worked nearby & we share a lot of secrets.But our friendship seems fall apart after she broke up with her fiance & i engaged nearly at the same time.Until now,she isolated herself from me.B4 this,even we can't always meet,she would call me or i ym her.But after the breakage,she seems lost. My fiance told me to call her but i just didn't know what to say.I just don't know why it's so hard for me to talk to her.May be bcoz' after she's not responding to my calls & sms,i felt she doesn't want to be interrupted.& once i stop calling or sms-ing her,she just stay mum until now.

Actually i missed her.I miss her giggle.I miss her smile.She was a liable & accountable friend.She was stronger than me.She help me a lot.She was my advisor.Sometimes she was my banker :). We spend time together at least once a month.But now,as she remorse herself,i begin to miss her.

I don't know how to face her.I don't know what to say.I don't know how to start.I'm afraid my words would hurt her feeling.I'm afraid what i'm going to say would misinterpret by her. I'm afraid our friendship would never be the same again after the incident.It seems that i've lost my communication skills whereas previously i always know what to say & how to start a conversation ;(.
I didn't mean to meddle with her decision.I didn't mean to interfere her life.Last time i just gave her my opinion after listening to her problem.I know i have no right to decide & to judge who's best or bad for her.I know i'm not in a place to influence her decision making.I know i can't point out her fault & her x-fiance's mistakes.
I've learn my lesson;NEVER EVER EVER give ur opinion about ur friend's bf/fiance/husband EVEN THOUGH she asked for it BCOZ' u wouldn't know someday she WILL use it against u.She asked me about his fiance (at that time) & i gave my opinion but it's not my 100% opinion.I just consented & said yes to all her story.I didn't know her fiance directly.I met him once.I only know him based on her story.She's the one who praise him & condemn him.So i say yes to all her story to show her i'm on his side.But then,this what has happened.
But i never blame her.I'm still pray for her happiness.& i wish we can be friend like b4.We can spend our time talking about all things like b4.Oh,i miss her!