Last night,i had a big fight wih my fiance.It's all started when i reach home after work late from usual.Usually i reach home at 5.15 or 5.20pm but yesterday i arrived after 6.00pm.He was already at my house.I was opening the door when he suddenly opened the door from inside & yelled at me;where's the hell u go?why u late?.I was really shocked.B4 i could answer,he triggered me with more question;u said u're going to be home at 5.Why don't u just come home at 8 or 10?Better tomorrow u come home at night.Then he slammed the door.I was speechless.What are u doing at the office until u come late?Are u chatting?Who are u chatting with?Chatting until u come home late?Ntah dgn jantan mana berchatting ntah.Hari2 berchatting.Ckp chatting dgn ain la,shikin la.Jgn2 chatting dgn jantan lain.
Without knowing,my tears drop rapidly.I was tired but b4 i could get into my own house,i was bombarded with acusation.I just could say anything.He didn't give me any chance to explain.I admit i'm late.But not bcoz' i'm chatting or doing other useless thing.It's bcoz' i had alot of work to complete.That morning i reach office at 9.30am.B4 1pm i'm already home to cook lunch.After lunch,i went back to office nearly at 3pm.So,was it wrong for me to work until 6pm?By the way,that evening,site staffs were in the office.So,there were a lot of work to do.They want this,they want that.I've to do everything now since i'm the only one incharge.I've to print this,type that,copy this,fax that,call this & that people.And i even didn't finish my work that evening bcoz' it's already 6.00pm.
The sad thing was,i was accused of doing something else in the office & that thing is chatting.I admit i do chat but only with few of my x-colleagues;ain,shikin & farah.But mostly with ain since she's the one who always had time.It was the cheapest & easiest way to communicate & we're too busy to meet.I've already told him about my chatting friend.All of them are girls & most of them he knew & had met.But he can even accuse me of chatting 'bad things' with my friends;i.e. sex & dirty words.What?We,girls, can talk anything we want.No one had the right to decide what can & cannot to talk about as long as it's general,as long as it's not our secret.
He kept on mumbling nonsense & accused me.I was really disheartened.How could he say such things?He even didn't give me a chance to explain.It's as i've done a big sin.I'm the one who was the bad one.He talked like i'm a bitch.Yes,i felt he think of me as a bitch.'Suka2 bergedik dgn jantan lain'.Why can't he think of what he's saying?Why can't he think b4 he said anything?
How i'm supposed to say to asure him that he's the only one in my life?he's the first & the last man i fall in love with?that i've never fall in love with other man except him?that i'd never had any bf b4 & after him?that after knowing him,i'd closed my eyes & heart to other man?that i never disloyal/dishonest/insincere to him?
Every word coming out of his mouth really broke my heart.I can't stop crying.His words remind me of all the things had happened,all his forgiven misbehaviour.The more i kept silent, the more he kept yelling at me, as if i've done the unforgiven mistake.I just couldn't say anything bcoz' at that time,my heart was crying;how could he says such things?Didn't he ever think of my feeling b4 he said that?After all this time,i've tried to compromise with him.I forgave & forgot his misdeeds.I've never lever his past.I know he had someone else on the same time he has me.I know he met her often.I know her name even he tried to hide it from me.I know her whereabout.My heart broke into pieces when i found out he had another gf instead of me.I used to ask him the truth but he denied such things.So i never lever it again even though deep down inside my heart i know he lied.
How could he says such things to me?I know i'm not fit/suitable with him.I've a lot of weaknesses.I've been trying to forget them but his words bring back the feelings.And the feeling & those memories makes me crying a lot.Every time his word poundering into my head,it break my heart & the tears seems can't stop falling.
After all this time,i believe him very much.I never stop him doing whatever he wants.I never suspicious his doing.& i tried to hide my jealousy.But why can't he believe in me?Why can't he just stop his jealousy?I told him everything even my chatting friend bcoz' i don't want him to get suspicious but i never though that he will use this against me.Now i understand why my x-colleague once said,after this i'll never tell things that happen in the office to my husband bcoz' someday he'll use it against me.
I'm just doing my job.I've been paid to do my jobs.I always late to the office & went back on time.I went back for lunch more than expected time.Since yesterday i had urgent things to finish,i went back late.So,why can't he just understand that?
I cried for hours.He didn't seems to console me as usual.I hide myself in the store room bcoz' i just can't see his face.I really mad at him of accusing me.What,he thinks me a bitch?He kept on asking (actually accusing) me.When i didn't say anything,he got really mad.He started to throw things.But when he started mocking me,i can't stop myself of throwing whatever things i saw infront of me.I know he was shocked of my reactions.At that time,i got really mad & i just couldn't keep quiet anymore.
I told him i'm gonna send my resign letter today.I don't want to work anymore bcoz' he seems couldn't believe in me.He seems suspicious of what i'm doing at the office.So,to stop this nonsense,it's better if i stay at home.Stop meeting others,stop talking to others, if that all he wants.He can keep me for himself only.I'm happy to stay at home bcoz' i'm tired of working.I've been working for so long but still i had nothing.I can't even eat food i like.I can't even buy cloths i love.Not even a hp or car.I think,it's better if he works alone & i stay at home to be a fulltime housewife.
Last night,it seems like both of us don't want to quit.Me?I know,he used to say i'm a very hardheaded person;not easy to surrender/give up on arguments.I realized that & i tried to be more lenient/softhearted.But this time i just couldn't do it as i'm innocent.I had done nothing wrong.I just didn't care if he wants to prolong this argument.I know,i'm stupid bcoz' i nearly did something foolish last night.I didn't mean it.I just want to threaten him.& u know what,i succeed.
At last,he tried to comfort me.I know,he had come to his conciousness.But i just couldn't accept it.He had broke my heart very bad.I went to sleep with the tears & sob.I just didn't know how to face him today as my heart still hurt.
No comments:
Post a Comment