It just came back from PTD PAC.I'm really exhausted.My legs were hurt like hell.I can't even walk properly.It's like there is a big stone hanging on my feet.It all bcoz' of 2.4km running.
Here i'm going to write down my journey & my 3 days 2 nights life at INSTUN tanjong malim.
09.05.2008
5.15am - i woke up, have shower, early breakfast & get ready.
6.30am - i wait for the bus to bdr tasik selatan lrt station but unfortunately the bus arrived only almost 7.00am......i hate waiting
Here i'm going to write down my journey & my 3 days 2 nights life at INSTUN tanjong malim.
09.05.2008
5.15am - i woke up, have shower, early breakfast & get ready.
6.30am - i wait for the bus to bdr tasik selatan lrt station but unfortunately the bus arrived only almost 7.00am......i hate waiting
7.15am - i arrived at the lrt station.Thanx goodness the road was clear,no traffic jam.
7.30am - commuter arrived.I took the commuter straight to kuala kubu bharu.It was really crowded & hot in there.I can't even feel the air-cond.I've to stand up til' kl sentral station.
8.30am - after 1 hr journey,finally i arrived at rawang station.From here,i've to take another commuter to kk bharu.Waiting again.....But i was lucky bcoz' i met 2 girls who are going to the same place.Wonder oh wonder we clique easily even though we're from different 'generation'.
8.30am - after 1 hr journey,finally i arrived at rawang station.From here,i've to take another commuter to kk bharu.Waiting again.....But i was lucky bcoz' i met 2 girls who are going to the same place.Wonder oh wonder we clique easily even though we're from different 'generation'.
9.15am - commuter to kk bharu arrived.Apparently the commuter to kkb arrived every 30 mins.No wonder we had to wait very long.
9.50am - we finally arrive at kkb station.We should be arrived b4 9.30am but we were relieved when the bus that was going to take us to instun was still there,waiting for us.Tq very much.
10.25am - we finally arrived at instun.We were taken to the main hall for registration;check our weight & height,our photograph were taken,we were given a number as an identification & then we're place in the hostel;4 people per room.Luckily i was placed in a room with the 2 girls i met at the rawang station & the other was the girl we met in the bas;azie,maton & zaza.They were far more younger than i am.But we cliqued easily once we met,like we're old friends.After the registration,we're taken to the hostel.
12.30pm - we have our first yummy lunch here.After that,we went back to the room for a short nap & prepare our cloth for the day while the malay guys go to 'solat jumaat'.It also the time for us to know each other better.
2.45pm - the program started.We gathered at the main hall for the opening ceremony & programme briefing.From here,i can see my 170 'competitors' from all over the nation.Wonder oh wonder,we have to pick a topic for our bi & bm public speaking.We picked 2 papers without seeing it from a given envelope preapred by the fasilitator;1 bm & 1 bi topic.I was given health topic for bi & ethics & morale for bm public speaking.Luckily they gave it earlier,so that we can make some preparation but only for bi bcoz' the topic given was general.For bm,apart of the topic given,we've to pick another specific topic on the day of the public speaking session.So for the time being,i can only tried tp find the meaning of my topic,& the rest i've to wait.It was really different from my last PAC.We also have public speaking in bm & bi but we can pick any topic we like as long as it was interesting.After a tea break,we went back to our room as the main programme will start tonight.So,we still have a long day to prepare ourself.I was nervous to face my group members for the first time.
6.30pm - dinner time.Yum,yum!I always knew,food was good at PAC.I've been thru it b4,remember?At least,i can save on food for this 3 days.
8.30pm - our first programme started.Group discussion simulation in bm & bi.I'm quit nervous as too long i haven't faced many people at the same time.We were given a topic at each session to discuss among the group in front of a panel/evaluator & supervised by a fasilitator.But i realized,i'm the quietest person among them.I became speechless.When i said something,my voice trembled.In bm session,we've to discuss about agriculture interest among youth.& in bi session,we discussed about the children's misbehaviour.The sessions lasted at 10.30pm.After that,zzzzzzzzzzzz.
10.05.2008
6.00am - woke up already & got ready for the programme that day.
7.20am - we all gathered at the main field.We're going to do the most physical challenging activity of the day;2.4km run.I heard about this session b4 but i never though i have to run that far.At my previous PAC,we've no such session,only games simulation & light morning exercise.Gosh,i hate running.We did some stretching.At first i was unsure whether i can finished the run or not as i didn't jogged or run for almost 7 years.Zaza has to forget the running session as her back was hurt like hell this morning.So,i've to run alone as azie & maton can run faster than i am.For the first check point,i almost gave up.I can't breath.I almost lost my breath.But when seeing other people at my back,i was confident that i can do it & i won't be the last.I didn't want to give up that easily.Worst than that,i didn't want to go back at the starting point with the ambulance.So when i tired,i walked.Then i ran again slowly.The hardest part was when we have to climb a hill.It was really hard.When i arrived at the 2nd check point,my confidence became stronger.I knew i can finish the run & many people were still behind me.Almost 30 mins after that,i finally arrive at the finishing line.I was glad i can make it & the most important thing was i'm not the last person arrived.
9.30am - after having a breakfast,we continued our 2nd outdoor programme that day;group activity - game simulation.We have to complete different tasks at every station.It was fun but mind challenging.Out of 4,we're managed to solve only 1 game.Very sad.......After that,eating time again....yum,yum...Then,we went back to over room to take bath & ready for our next session;public speaking.....very scary.
12.45pm - lunch time...i saw all the participants ate as usual even though this morning many of us complaint of having stomachache.I can't say it a food poisoning bcoz' no complain about vomitting,only they have to go to toilet frequently.Many of them assumed it caused by beef that we have for dinner last night.Luckily none of my roomates have the problem.Only me have a mild stomachache & slightly unusual back & forth to toilet.But the situation didn't distrupt my concentration as i'm used to that kind of situation.Even when go back to my hometown & ate my mom's cooking,sometimes i went to toilet frequently.Maybe my stomach has to take some time to adapt the food.
2.00pm - the 2nd scary session of the day;public speaking in bm.Luckily i was grouped with maton,so there was a familiar face i can see when i started my speech.The truth was i didn't prepare anything as i've no idea what am i going to talk that day.When my turn came,i was speechless most of the time.As usual,my voice trembled.I realized it but i can't control it.It was weird bcoz' as far as i can remember,i talk fluently at my last PAC.Is it bcoz' this time i've lost my confidence?Last time,i'm used to standing infront of a lot people.I used to be a teacher;i taught kindergarten, primary & secondary students.I used to talk infront of the student during assembly time.May be that was why i can talk infront with no hassle at that time.But now,i worked infront of computer everyday.At times,i talked with the customers thru the phone.Even when they came to the office,i can faced them confidently.But now,why can't i talked as confident as b4?Was it bcoz' i don't know how to give speech anymore?Was it bcoz' i was scared to talk infront the evaluator?Was it bcoz' i felt so small infront of other participants who were younger & better in terms of occupation;lawyer,lecturer,engineer,etc?But most of all,i didn't expect to be the 2nd participants to talk that day.I never thought of it.The 1st participant was ready to give his speech when my name called out.I was shocked & surprised.I was given a topic about the importance of code of ethics in a organisation.Even though i was given 5 mins to prepare,i still can figure out what am i going to talk.We can't brought any paper to refer during the speech & what made me angry was,other particpants were allowed to jolt down the idea during the preparation time whereas the 1st participant & i was not told about it.But when the fasilitator saw my situation,then he allowed the rest of participants jolt down their idea.It was not fair bcoz' i've to compose my speech in my mind, not on a paper like others.We were given 5 mins to speak but it seems very long for me as i didn't know what to talk.My points were messed up.There was a time when i blurred out,didn't know what to say anymore.I bcame speechless.Luckily when i ended my speech,the time bell rang.At least i utilised my 5 mins.I was really frustrated bocz' i can't do it.I failed & i thought,i'm the worst participant of the day.I can't speak up my mind in bm session,so what will happened in bi session bcoz' it's tougher.I didn't know what happened to me.Luckily many people said my topic was hard,even other participant in my group was also speechless even though he was a very good spokesman.I'm not worried about the point that we're supposed to say but i hate it when my voice trembled uncontrollable.
4.30pm - tea time...time to refresh our mind,time to cool down....
6.45pm - dinner time....
8.30pm - meeting simulation session.In a group,we're told to held a meeting & discussed the 'mat rempit' activity.I represented jbtn belia & sukan (youth & sport department).Luckily i didn't picked up the chairman post bcoz' i've no experience at all to lead a meeting.The meeting was 'hot' but as usual i sat there silently most of the time.U know what,it was bcoz' i was shy & afraid to speak up my mind.I didn't know how & when to intervene the discussion.So,as usual i put myself as failed to encourage myself to talk.When i started to talk & others interceded,i backed off & went to silent.Poor me....
1.30am - went to sleep quite late as i've to prepare for my bi speech.I already prepared my speech based on the text i brought;health at workplace.But experience taught me a lot.Even thought the speech text was ready but i've to memorize it.I'm good at memorizing things but the problem was i became blur when i've to stand up infront of the crowd.So to avoid the humilation & speechless,i decided to talk about something that i familiar like a story or my experince.So,i've to compose my speech once more.Hopefully i won't blur this time.
11.05.2008
6.45am - we took our last breakfast here at instun bcoz' today was the last day of PAC.
8.00am - the most scary session of the day - public speaking in bi.Hopefully my name won't be called out early this time.Even though i was scarred but not as scarred as the bm session.Why?One of them may be bcoz' of the familiar face.We were put in the same group as in bm session.Number 2,i was prepared.Number 3,i didn't want to repeat the same mistake.Last but not least,i was going home today.Even though i'm the early speaker of the day but still one of the earliest.But at least i still have times to cool down myself.Even though my voice trembled as usual but not as panic as b4.Not like in the bm session,i felt the time given (5 mins) was too short bcoz' without realizing it,the bell rang but my speech was not finished yet.When my speech was over,i felt very relieved,like a heavy stone has been lifted from my head.Overall i can say i succeed went thru this session.But the funny thing was,during the session,a few participants has to excuse a number of times to toilet;stomachache.We're not expecting the situation was quite severe.Luckily my stomach was ok already.
10.30am - we move on to our final session - debate in parliment.We were group into oppossition & government sides.I was put in government side.It was funny when we have to write down our election area.I was given an honour to start the debate.I was nervous as i don't have any experience in debate especially in parliment.So,i just speak up my points about the topic given;outdoor activity affect the university student's academic performance.We as the government have to agree the topic.The debate session was so 'hot',even sometimes uncontrollable as everyone wanted to speak up their minds.Overall it was really fun as everyone was like wanted to release their tense.Since it was out last session,we wanted to do all out.
12.30pm - we gathered in the main hall for the closing ceremony.After that,we went to have our last lunch at instun.We ate a lot as the tense has cooled down.The only thing in our mind was going back to our home.
2.00pm - after packed our belongings & gave back our room's key,we waited for the bus to take us to kkb commuter station.I arrived at my house at 6.00pm & the first thing i did was called my fiance,told him that i've arrived safely.Oh i really missed him as during the PAC,we didn't contacted each other & now he was in klang;we only can see each other this coming weekend.I can't wait to tell him my experiences.He was delighted when i agreed to go to PAC.I'm not to eager to go there as i told b4,i'm not ready & i've no confidence at all.
Overall,i was happy to be there even though i knew i failed in most of the session.But i've gain a lot of new experiences.At the same time,this is an opportunity for me to be in different situation as i've been working in the office for a long time.At least it can refresh my mind,it can change my view/opinion about myself & i can identify my weaknesses & strength.Most importantly,i've make a few new friends.It has been quite sometime i didn't make any new friend especially a friend with the same thought.
I'm not hoping too much as i was there with no high expectation.I know my limits & my capability.But if i failed this time,i won't give up.I'll try again next year.I really frustrated with myself this time,not bcoz' i'll not get the post but bcoz' i failed to do my best.I'm not the old me anymore.I've lost my ability to speak up my mind.I've lost my bravery to speak infront of the crowd.Sometimes i felt i was like a fresh graduate with no experience.Worst than that,i was not like any other university students who were supposed to be brave in anything.I failed.But the experiences have taught me a lot.I won't give up that easily.Next time i'll be ready.
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