Owing & Reiteration

Don't owe something from others especially kindness, whether from a friend, close friend, unknown person, even ur own family members.Indebted will 'eat' u out sonner or later.Maybe the day we owe from them,they said they don't mind & it was nothing when we said we're very grateful for their help.Don't believe them 100% bcoz' u'll never know someday they will evoke,lever & reiterate their assistance & asked the same from us.Worst than that,forced us to help them but if we refused or declined, with or without excuses,they'll get furious or reiterate all their kindness.I do understand, we just couldn't avoid ourself of seeking help from people around us.But it's our luck if we found help from generous people,who sincerely & honestly help without any hidden agenda & not hoping for a pay back.

2 days ago i received a shocking sms.It really hurt me.It was from my close cousin.We're really close especially when i move in to kl.B4 this,i spent every weekend at her house to accompany her as she doesn't know anyone here.& i've been through a lot of hard times here,so sometimes i seeked help from her whether money, advice & energy.But i'll make sure i'll pay her back when i have money & i'll offer my hand when she needed my help.

Until last time,i was in deep trouble.I've no choice but to seek her help once again but i promised myself it will be the last bcoz' i think i'm tired of seeking others' help.I don't want to trouble others anymore.I want to be independent & whatever happened,i'll try to solve it & get through with it myself.I can't depends on others forever bcoz' they also have their own problems.

But this time i still can't pay her back as i haven't settle my problem yet.But i'll pay her back soon.Few months ago she asked it back & i promised i'll try my best but still i can't bcoz' i even had not enough to eat myself.Then my mom called & asked me why didn't i pay back her (my cousin) money.I didn't expect she'll told my mother about it as it's between us & she shouldn't involved my mom.As a result,my mom scolded me.

Without a proper plan i moved in into my new house.My life a little mess at that time,so i decided not to tell anyone about it yet.After 2 weeks,i told my parents about my moving but i haven't had an opportunity to tell my cousin.Then 2 weeks after ago,i called her & told her about it.She already knew from my mom.Then last week she asked to borrow a wall drill but i don't haveit.If she really need it,i can borrow from my site people all the tools are at the site project.But she declined bcoz' she didn't want to trouble me.But few days after that she sent me a heart breaking sms.

She accused me of turning my back on her.I admit,it's my fault for not telling her about my moving as soon as possible even though b4 that i've told her about my plan.She even accused me of forgetting her as i'm already 'rich'.Hahaha.Rich?If i'm rich,i won't rent a house.Instead i'll buy a bungalow.The worst word?She said she helped me a lot b4 this but she won't expect me to pay her back.Is it?If not,why did she said i should have understand myself.She even thanks me for verything.What did she mean by it?

She said i've changed.Yes,i admit it.But everyone changes whether they realize it or not.May be she senses that i've changed a lot after i got engaged.I'm still the old ana.Only right now i'm engaged.& i change as my age increases.I'm afraid she feels that i've changed,forgetting her as i've someone else to rely on.Please don't blame my fiance.Actually i want to change.I want to stand on my own feet.I don't to be a 'begger' for the rest of my life.For how long i've to depend on others?Sooner or later they'll tired of me.I feel ashame bcoz' i've a job yet i still ask for others' help.It's now the time for me to live base on whatever i have.I felt guilty bcoz' i can't help her when she needs me whereas she'll help me no matter what.

I didn't seek her help this time bcoz' i don't want to trouble her anymore as she just gave birth to her 4th child.I already owe her & i don't want to increase my 'debt'.It was an unplan moving & i already have a lot of helps in my hand from others;my fiance, my boss & his family.

I was really hurt by her words.She even didn't used her first name when she wrote the sms as usual.Instead she used 'u' & 'i' or 'aku' & 'kau'.She seemed very angry.I know she hurts when i didn't tell her about my moving sooner but i've apologised.I thought it has settled.Is it bcoz' i can't grant her wish;the wall drill?I told her i don't have it.If i have it,i'll surely lend it to her.But she told it's ok.Is it bcoz' everytime i asked for her help she'll fulfill it,but when she asked from me,i can't?

I know,i owe her a lot.She is like my angel.I'm grateful for her kindness & consideration & i know i can't pay her back even if i give her a lot of money.But,does she has the right to say untrue accusation to me?Does it gave her the right to reiterate all her kindness.She said it like i owe her millions of ringgit.Whereas it only less than rm100.

I didn't mean to forget her.I didn't mean to run away from my debt.I'll pay her back.But she has to wait for another week aftermy pay day.But she doesn't has to use this kind of method to collect her debt.I don't angry with her & i don't want a small problem like this will ruin our relationship.But i really hurt & it has changed my opinion towards her.People said,'kerana mulut bdn binasa' & i believe it.I don't know how is our relationship after this.

But 1 thing i learned,i won't seek helps from others who has close relationship with me anymore especially family members.Even one day when we have an argument about it,we won't feel awkward bcoz' sooner or later we'll face them even we try to avoid them.& i know our relationship won't as good as b4.Instead family members are supposed to stay close together whatever happened.

Other thing i learned,i'll try to solve my probem on my own bcoz' every problem has its own solution.Most important thing is i didn't depend on others.It's time for me to live on my own & on what i have.I'm getting married soon,so after this i've to face all the challenges on my own.Even how hard it is,i've to learn to face & solve it on my own & sometimes with my fiance's help.I don't want others to know & think of my problem anymore.Enough of hoping others to spoon feed me.