We all go through breakups. They can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. Breakups are handled differently by different people. These steps may not be perfect for everyone, but they can help!
Steps
1. Examine what happened, and ask yourself why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault - or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
2. Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, bear in mind that thinking about all the good times you had may cause you to forget the reason for why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second guess if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to overly romanticize the good parts of a relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, maybe you could live with them. Or that maybe if your ex could know just how you feel, s/he wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and move on.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, no sex - not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). Also, if he tries to ask you to see him, make sure you question yourself of what good can come out of it. You don't want to relive the past by seeing him otherwise you'll get caught up by that moment and it will be hard to let go again.
4. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.
5. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it seems there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but even though everything seemed okay to you, if the relationship was not what your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
6. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.
7. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.
8. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
9. Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
10. Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on - don't dwell on the pain. But if you have a keepsake, such as a watch or a pin that was given to you by your ex, and it makes you feel good to wear it and remember the good parts of your relationship, by all means, do so.
11. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
12. Stay active. It's scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
13. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harboring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, you can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.
14. Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that the only thing worse than the pain of a breakup is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
15. Think positively. Now that you are single, you get to find someone else to go out with,find someone new, and different. This doesnt have to be so bad. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Of course, don't forget about respecting other peoples' thoughts and feelings while feeling released and free, and always remember to be true to yourself.
Tips
1. Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you can give. If you feel you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you will not need to torture yourself with "what-ifs".
2. Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now, or if you should visit (you should not). Don't try to talk to him or her about the breakup. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
3. Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another - stop.
4. As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do - something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process, and which involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
5. Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a breakup or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships ... and that is okay, no matter what you do in life.
6. As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
7. If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: if s/he said s/he wanted you back, would you really want him or her? Will you ever trust him not to break your heart again? Will you be hurt, angry, distrustful when she is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who she is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it does happen, you may find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said "You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
8. Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
9. Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Endure. Eventually, though, you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.
10. It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on.
11. If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is up to.
12. Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect the decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity. Taking the high road may be hard now, but you'll be glad later that you didn't stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.
13. Every day make sure you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time of your life. You can be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he/she mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and make sure as soon as you wake up SMILE!
Warnings
1. Do not contact other people who have been interested in you to make yourself feel better or get involved with someone else (emotionally or sexually) right away. It is not fair to them as they may become the victim of your rebound. Allow yourself adequate time to process before jumping into a new relationship. *Don't look for so many distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache that you fail to process the emotions adequately. You're supposed to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Think about it - what kind of person could just say, "Whatever" and walk away as if nothing had happened? Ride it out - turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. It won't be long until you do feel better.
2. If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
3. If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
4. Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life since the breakup - don't exert the energy. Allow things to run their course without your intervention - they have a way of working out just fine in the end.
5. Never contemplate suicide. You are ending a relationship - and even though it's hard to believe it, you are not ending life itself. Give yourself time to recover from the shock and sadness without entertaining thoughts of harming yourself. If you find you can't shake these thoughts after a few days, then you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.
6. Avoid checking up on any online social networking page (Bebo, MySpace, Facebook) to see what your ex is up to. If you think you'll be too tempted, just cut loose and quit the site. The possibility exists that you'll be checking one day and see your former squeeze with another girl/guy. There is such thing as being self-protective and avoiding unnecessary pain.
7. Please remember too that if it didn't work the first time and the second or third time with this person, you may just not be compatible and its better to let go and move on.
Things You'll Need
You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:
1. A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
2. A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) Dogs and cats will do, too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that teddy bears are so good at. (But avoid the stuffed animals/gifts your ex gave you)
3. Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower - *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" - you will feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy, tear-stained faces.
4. Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
5. Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
6. If you're one of the millions who try to fill that empty sad feeling through your mouth (which usually doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you eat too munch.
7. Food - don't forget to eat! Heartbreak can often rob you of your appetite, but be sure not to to punish yourself and remember to think about you as you are the most important person now. Being ill from malnutrition won't help you be strong enough to move on.
8. Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".
Lots of tissues.
9. Self-love. even if you aren't feeling so hot about yourself right now, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the good things about you, and the fact that breaking up does not mean there is something wrong with you. Remember that lots of great people have failed relationships; the fact that your relationship failed says nothing about you as a person. it doesnt mean there is something wrong with you, it means there was something not working in the relationship.
10. Friends and family are a great support system - they will do anything and everything to help you heal and be happy again. Go out to play with them, even if you don't feel like it - you won't regret it. If you have unsupportive people in your life, you need to seek support elsewhere.
11. The realization that great guys/girls DO exist, this is not the last person you will ever love, and hopefully you'll find the one for you that you'll go the distance with. If you found it once, you can find it again. Promise. :)
Steps
1. Examine what happened, and ask yourself why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault - or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
2. Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, bear in mind that thinking about all the good times you had may cause you to forget the reason for why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second guess if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to overly romanticize the good parts of a relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, maybe you could live with them. Or that maybe if your ex could know just how you feel, s/he wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and move on.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, no sex - not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). Also, if he tries to ask you to see him, make sure you question yourself of what good can come out of it. You don't want to relive the past by seeing him otherwise you'll get caught up by that moment and it will be hard to let go again.
4. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.
5. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it seems there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but even though everything seemed okay to you, if the relationship was not what your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
6. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.
7. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.
8. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
9. Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
10. Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on - don't dwell on the pain. But if you have a keepsake, such as a watch or a pin that was given to you by your ex, and it makes you feel good to wear it and remember the good parts of your relationship, by all means, do so.
11. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
12. Stay active. It's scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
13. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harboring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, you can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.
14. Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that the only thing worse than the pain of a breakup is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
15. Think positively. Now that you are single, you get to find someone else to go out with,find someone new, and different. This doesnt have to be so bad. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Of course, don't forget about respecting other peoples' thoughts and feelings while feeling released and free, and always remember to be true to yourself.
Tips
1. Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you can give. If you feel you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you will not need to torture yourself with "what-ifs".
2. Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now, or if you should visit (you should not). Don't try to talk to him or her about the breakup. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
3. Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another - stop.
4. As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do - something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process, and which involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
5. Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a breakup or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships ... and that is okay, no matter what you do in life.
6. As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
7. If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: if s/he said s/he wanted you back, would you really want him or her? Will you ever trust him not to break your heart again? Will you be hurt, angry, distrustful when she is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who she is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it does happen, you may find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said "You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
8. Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
9. Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Endure. Eventually, though, you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.
10. It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on.
11. If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is up to.
12. Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect the decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity. Taking the high road may be hard now, but you'll be glad later that you didn't stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.
13. Every day make sure you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time of your life. You can be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he/she mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and make sure as soon as you wake up SMILE!
Warnings
1. Do not contact other people who have been interested in you to make yourself feel better or get involved with someone else (emotionally or sexually) right away. It is not fair to them as they may become the victim of your rebound. Allow yourself adequate time to process before jumping into a new relationship. *Don't look for so many distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache that you fail to process the emotions adequately. You're supposed to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Think about it - what kind of person could just say, "Whatever" and walk away as if nothing had happened? Ride it out - turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. It won't be long until you do feel better.
2. If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
3. If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
4. Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life since the breakup - don't exert the energy. Allow things to run their course without your intervention - they have a way of working out just fine in the end.
5. Never contemplate suicide. You are ending a relationship - and even though it's hard to believe it, you are not ending life itself. Give yourself time to recover from the shock and sadness without entertaining thoughts of harming yourself. If you find you can't shake these thoughts after a few days, then you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.
6. Avoid checking up on any online social networking page (Bebo, MySpace, Facebook) to see what your ex is up to. If you think you'll be too tempted, just cut loose and quit the site. The possibility exists that you'll be checking one day and see your former squeeze with another girl/guy. There is such thing as being self-protective and avoiding unnecessary pain.
7. Please remember too that if it didn't work the first time and the second or third time with this person, you may just not be compatible and its better to let go and move on.
Things You'll Need
You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:
1. A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
2. A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) Dogs and cats will do, too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that teddy bears are so good at. (But avoid the stuffed animals/gifts your ex gave you)
3. Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower - *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" - you will feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy, tear-stained faces.
4. Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
5. Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
6. If you're one of the millions who try to fill that empty sad feeling through your mouth (which usually doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you eat too munch.
7. Food - don't forget to eat! Heartbreak can often rob you of your appetite, but be sure not to to punish yourself and remember to think about you as you are the most important person now. Being ill from malnutrition won't help you be strong enough to move on.
8. Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".
Lots of tissues.
9. Self-love. even if you aren't feeling so hot about yourself right now, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the good things about you, and the fact that breaking up does not mean there is something wrong with you. Remember that lots of great people have failed relationships; the fact that your relationship failed says nothing about you as a person. it doesnt mean there is something wrong with you, it means there was something not working in the relationship.
10. Friends and family are a great support system - they will do anything and everything to help you heal and be happy again. Go out to play with them, even if you don't feel like it - you won't regret it. If you have unsupportive people in your life, you need to seek support elsewhere.
11. The realization that great guys/girls DO exist, this is not the last person you will ever love, and hopefully you'll find the one for you that you'll go the distance with. If you found it once, you can find it again. Promise. :)
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