As i told earlier,my closed cousin engaged the day after my wedding day.Since my auntie lived far from my village & our family,she really depends on us.I don't know why but villagers at her place were not that helpful.So,the same person who helped on my wedding day also had to help her.Poor them bcoz' they already exhausted.But since we're family,we had to help.Even though my auntie was my mom's in-law,my mom treated her like her own sister,so early morning she went there to help as much as she could bcoz' my auntie told us that no one was there to help her.Poor mom bcoz' she seemed really tired.Whereas my husband & i had to clear our house first as the next day we're going to my husband's house.
After zohor pray we went there.The man's family said there'll arrived right after zohor pray.The man was from our state's neighbour.Usually it takes about 2 1/2 hours to reach our place from his place.Unfortunately they only arrived right after asar pray.Calculating from the time they left their place,they took almost 7 hours to reach here.Almost from kl to kt.
The weather was so hot.There was too hot to be in my aunt's house as there was no wind at all to cool it.To make it worst,everybody was talking behind the back.I've no idea what was going on as i arrived late.My 'nenek saudara' was furious with my aunt bcoz' she made her own decision without my grand's consent.There were a lot of unsatisfied decision such as;
1)It's a tradition for the people from the man's place to give money b4 coming to the other's place.It was like paying for all the food, drinks & treatment for them when they came.I guess it's fair as they ate a lot & asked for many kind of food.From what i heard,they'll say their dissatisfation if the food & the the treatment were not good bcoz' they paid for them.So all people can accept that bcoz' it's their tradition.But my aunt didn't want to accept any money from them.But when the man's family came,they asked for variety of food.That's why my granny was so furious with my aunt.
2) We've been waiting for them since morning.As soon as they arrived,they hurriedly went to eat first.We had to wait them to finish eating first b4 we can begin the ceremony.What make we mad,they took very long to eat & there's a woman who ate too slow.It took ages to finish her food.& as we expected,they ate a lot.It's like that they were too hungry."Macam tak pernah jumpa makanan".They asked that,they asked this.In my life,this is the first time i'm in this kind of situation.May be they are hungry,that's why they went to eat as soon as they arrived but for me it's not polite.I still remember when my family went to gemas n9 for my brother's engagement.Our journey were far than them but all of us had taken our breakfast b4 we start our journey,to avoid starving.Some of us even brought food to eat in the journey.& some of us even stop by at the shop to buy food.So when we reached the girl's house,we went straight for our main intention,to propose.Then after the ceremony we ate.So that no one had for us to finish our meal to start the ceremony.& we can eat peacefully & enjoy our food,no worries to finish our food ASAP.
3) The amount of 'hantaran'.The man's family had decided how many 'hantaran' the girl should give to the man.They asked 9 from the girl's side & the thing she should give.If the girls' family won't accept this request,the engagement will be cancelled.The man even asked for a ring from the my cousin.The man bought the right first & my cousin had to pay him afterward.The ring cost her rm400++.
The controversy here are the amount of the 'hantaran' & the 'hantaran' itself.The man's side 'forced' the girl to give them what they want.If not,the engagement ceremony will be off.& for the ring?It's not our tradition to give a ring to a man during an engagement.If u want the ring as a give,u can give it during the wedding. For me,if the man really want the ring,he should buy it himself & shouldn't asked my cousin to pay him back.What an inconsiderate man.
4) If not mistaken,it's our tradition that the groom-to-be shouldn't be in that ceremony.It was an oldman's business.But the man shamelessly went straight in the house to take part in the discussion.Luckily my husband stopped him.But after the man's mother put the ring into my cousin's finger,the man went in to sit beside my cousin.It was like a wedding ceremony.One of my relative said,if that so,it's better if they get married on the spot.It's not nice to sit together like that.As far as we know,the people from that place were known as a religious person.But then why they let the man & the girl sit together very close?
5) Now it's the time to exchange the 'hantaran'.I also helped in.What made i'm furious was when one of the man's family member said to me that they wanted back the plate that they put in a 'pulut kuning'.That time,i was shifting that 'pulut kuning' from the man's side to the girl's side.I tried to take of the plate but couldn't.If i forced to take it off,the 'pulut' will fell down as they arranged it vertically.Nonsence.It was only a small plate.& i know it was a cheap one.Very stingy of them.They already gave it to my cousin,so why should they asked it back.If that plate was so expensive,they should used a plastic plate instead.
6) There were not many things to be discussed in that ceremony.The 'duit hantaran' will be discussed again later.They will get married within a year as my aunt said she won't wait any longer as her daughter already old.How could my aunt said that as my cousin only 27.My aunt let the man's family to decide everything.She agreed to their decision 100%.That's what my granny mad at my aunt.My aunt talked like she was desperate to get her daughter married.Now we're worried that in the end my aunt will suffer with thier request as they already knew that my aunt will say yes to everything.We're worried that they will take for granted as my cousin is the eldest from 3 siblings & like me,she is the only daughter.
7) My cousin spent rm180 for make up.She hired 3 'mak andam' to make-over her.My granny was mad at her bcoz' it was costly & the outcome was not good.My husband said,my cousin look like chinese ghost.The make-up was too thick.It seemed that she can't smile or talk comfortably.Her make-up cake out bcoz' of the hot weather & it made her 'ugly'.My granny said she could save her money if she asked help from her aunties.Even my cousin knew how to wear make-up as everytime she went to my house,she'll wear make up & i think her make-up was nice, better than this.
She even spent rm80 for the 'pelamin'.It was a simple 'pelamin',like my wedding 'pelamin'.They hang the curtain, put 2 big pillow to sit & flowers at both side.My granny said,if that she want,she had a lot of more beautiful curtain & her daughter could make a better pelamin with no charge.That what made my granny mad at my aunt & cousin.
8) It seems that my aunt were to happy to accept the man as her son-in-law.May be the man has a big salary.I heard he worked at airport cargo.But i'm not sure as what.I don't think he worked as a pilot since he was way to dark.His skin burned.No way a pilot's skin who worked in a cockpit can be burned like that.May be he worked at airport field,so that's why his skin burned from the heat of the field.
A soon as he arrived,all my cousin wanted to see him.All of them kept on guessing which is that guy.One of my cousin jokingly said may be he was handsome like shah rukh khan (she loved hindustan story).But when he entered the house,everyone was surprised.Even though he had a sharp nose,they said my husband way too handsome compared to him :)Oh,i'm shy.
.It's true.May be his body not that big like my hubby,but his skin way too dark compare to my hubby's skin.
Anyhow the engagement is on.The wedding bell is ringing.I heard my cousin had discussed with her fiance that the wedding will be held in may 2009.My granny said she won't say anything after this as my aunt took everything into her own hand without discussing it with our family.She hoped that everything will went on as planned.If anything bad happened,she won't interfere.She was really mad.I'm sorry to say that our family were not that happy to accept in-law from that state bcoz' we had a very bad experience with them.We heard a lot about them & we've seen it infront of our eyes.
For me,i only hope for the best for my cousin.She has chosen her soulmate.Hopefully nothing bad will happen afterward.Marriage is a gamble.Either u win or u loose.If u didn't want either of it,don't gamble.
After zohor pray we went there.The man's family said there'll arrived right after zohor pray.The man was from our state's neighbour.Usually it takes about 2 1/2 hours to reach our place from his place.Unfortunately they only arrived right after asar pray.Calculating from the time they left their place,they took almost 7 hours to reach here.Almost from kl to kt.
The weather was so hot.There was too hot to be in my aunt's house as there was no wind at all to cool it.To make it worst,everybody was talking behind the back.I've no idea what was going on as i arrived late.My 'nenek saudara' was furious with my aunt bcoz' she made her own decision without my grand's consent.There were a lot of unsatisfied decision such as;
1)It's a tradition for the people from the man's place to give money b4 coming to the other's place.It was like paying for all the food, drinks & treatment for them when they came.I guess it's fair as they ate a lot & asked for many kind of food.From what i heard,they'll say their dissatisfation if the food & the the treatment were not good bcoz' they paid for them.So all people can accept that bcoz' it's their tradition.But my aunt didn't want to accept any money from them.But when the man's family came,they asked for variety of food.That's why my granny was so furious with my aunt.
2) We've been waiting for them since morning.As soon as they arrived,they hurriedly went to eat first.We had to wait them to finish eating first b4 we can begin the ceremony.What make we mad,they took very long to eat & there's a woman who ate too slow.It took ages to finish her food.& as we expected,they ate a lot.It's like that they were too hungry."Macam tak pernah jumpa makanan".They asked that,they asked this.In my life,this is the first time i'm in this kind of situation.May be they are hungry,that's why they went to eat as soon as they arrived but for me it's not polite.I still remember when my family went to gemas n9 for my brother's engagement.Our journey were far than them but all of us had taken our breakfast b4 we start our journey,to avoid starving.Some of us even brought food to eat in the journey.& some of us even stop by at the shop to buy food.So when we reached the girl's house,we went straight for our main intention,to propose.Then after the ceremony we ate.So that no one had for us to finish our meal to start the ceremony.& we can eat peacefully & enjoy our food,no worries to finish our food ASAP.
3) The amount of 'hantaran'.The man's family had decided how many 'hantaran' the girl should give to the man.They asked 9 from the girl's side & the thing she should give.If the girls' family won't accept this request,the engagement will be cancelled.The man even asked for a ring from the my cousin.The man bought the right first & my cousin had to pay him afterward.The ring cost her rm400++.
The controversy here are the amount of the 'hantaran' & the 'hantaran' itself.The man's side 'forced' the girl to give them what they want.If not,the engagement ceremony will be off.& for the ring?It's not our tradition to give a ring to a man during an engagement.If u want the ring as a give,u can give it during the wedding. For me,if the man really want the ring,he should buy it himself & shouldn't asked my cousin to pay him back.What an inconsiderate man.
4) If not mistaken,it's our tradition that the groom-to-be shouldn't be in that ceremony.It was an oldman's business.But the man shamelessly went straight in the house to take part in the discussion.Luckily my husband stopped him.But after the man's mother put the ring into my cousin's finger,the man went in to sit beside my cousin.It was like a wedding ceremony.One of my relative said,if that so,it's better if they get married on the spot.It's not nice to sit together like that.As far as we know,the people from that place were known as a religious person.But then why they let the man & the girl sit together very close?
5) Now it's the time to exchange the 'hantaran'.I also helped in.What made i'm furious was when one of the man's family member said to me that they wanted back the plate that they put in a 'pulut kuning'.That time,i was shifting that 'pulut kuning' from the man's side to the girl's side.I tried to take of the plate but couldn't.If i forced to take it off,the 'pulut' will fell down as they arranged it vertically.Nonsence.It was only a small plate.& i know it was a cheap one.Very stingy of them.They already gave it to my cousin,so why should they asked it back.If that plate was so expensive,they should used a plastic plate instead.
6) There were not many things to be discussed in that ceremony.The 'duit hantaran' will be discussed again later.They will get married within a year as my aunt said she won't wait any longer as her daughter already old.How could my aunt said that as my cousin only 27.My aunt let the man's family to decide everything.She agreed to their decision 100%.That's what my granny mad at my aunt.My aunt talked like she was desperate to get her daughter married.Now we're worried that in the end my aunt will suffer with thier request as they already knew that my aunt will say yes to everything.We're worried that they will take for granted as my cousin is the eldest from 3 siblings & like me,she is the only daughter.
7) My cousin spent rm180 for make up.She hired 3 'mak andam' to make-over her.My granny was mad at her bcoz' it was costly & the outcome was not good.My husband said,my cousin look like chinese ghost.The make-up was too thick.It seemed that she can't smile or talk comfortably.Her make-up cake out bcoz' of the hot weather & it made her 'ugly'.My granny said she could save her money if she asked help from her aunties.Even my cousin knew how to wear make-up as everytime she went to my house,she'll wear make up & i think her make-up was nice, better than this.
She even spent rm80 for the 'pelamin'.It was a simple 'pelamin',like my wedding 'pelamin'.They hang the curtain, put 2 big pillow to sit & flowers at both side.My granny said,if that she want,she had a lot of more beautiful curtain & her daughter could make a better pelamin with no charge.That what made my granny mad at my aunt & cousin.
8) It seems that my aunt were to happy to accept the man as her son-in-law.May be the man has a big salary.I heard he worked at airport cargo.But i'm not sure as what.I don't think he worked as a pilot since he was way to dark.His skin burned.No way a pilot's skin who worked in a cockpit can be burned like that.May be he worked at airport field,so that's why his skin burned from the heat of the field.
A soon as he arrived,all my cousin wanted to see him.All of them kept on guessing which is that guy.One of my cousin jokingly said may be he was handsome like shah rukh khan (she loved hindustan story).But when he entered the house,everyone was surprised.Even though he had a sharp nose,they said my husband way too handsome compared to him :)Oh,i'm shy.
.It's true.May be his body not that big like my hubby,but his skin way too dark compare to my hubby's skin.Anyhow the engagement is on.The wedding bell is ringing.I heard my cousin had discussed with her fiance that the wedding will be held in may 2009.My granny said she won't say anything after this as my aunt took everything into her own hand without discussing it with our family.She hoped that everything will went on as planned.If anything bad happened,she won't interfere.She was really mad.I'm sorry to say that our family were not that happy to accept in-law from that state bcoz' we had a very bad experience with them.We heard a lot about them & we've seen it infront of our eyes.
For me,i only hope for the best for my cousin.She has chosen her soulmate.Hopefully nothing bad will happen afterward.Marriage is a gamble.Either u win or u loose.If u didn't want either of it,don't gamble.
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