Queen Control

Tunduk kepada queen control?

Ramai suami yang mengeluh kerana hidup mereka seperti dikongkong dan tidak dihormati.

PAKAR berpendapat sikap lelaki yang terlalu mudah mengalah menyebabkan isteri bersikap queen control.

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DIA memerintah suami melakukan itu dan ini. Disuruh membasuh baju, memasak atau mengemas rumah. Tidak boleh dibantah, kalau dilawan, pasti tinggi suaranya membalas kembali.

Dia juga mengawal segala kewangan dan keputusan keluarga. Apa yang harus dibeli, ke mana pergi bercuti atau bila hubungan seksual dilakukan.

Apabila isteri bersikap begini, ramai suami yang mula mengeluh kerana hidup mereka seperti dikongkong dan tidak dihormati.

Umpama lembu ditarik hidung. Begitulah kata-kata kiasan yang tepat bagi menerangkan maksud wanita queen control dalam sesebuah hubungan rumah tangga.

Queen control atau terlalu mengongkong disifatkan sebagai sikap menyuruh atau memerintah seorang si isteri kepada suaminya dalam keadaan memaksa, tidak kira apa jua situasi.

Justeru, melihat faktor kecanggihan teknologi dunia hari ini, benarkah senario itu dianggap sudah lapuk ditelan zaman? Memandangkan wanita metropolitan masa kini lebih mementingkan etika dan nilai-nilai kekeluargaan, demi mewujudkan keharmonian dalam rumah tangga.

Malah, menjadi persoalan ramai, masih wujudkah jolokan wanita queen control pada era moden kini? Menurut Pakar Motivasi, Dr. HM Tuah Iskandar, kewujudan sikap queen control tidak mengira apa jua keadaan mahupun situasi. Ia wujud dalam semua era kehidupan manusia.

Tidak dinafikan, kewujudannya disebabkan beberapa punca yang tercetus atau dicetus oleh kedua-dua pihak, sama ada lelaki mahupun wanita.

Untuk kepastiannya jelas Tuah, terdapat tiga jenis queen control, iaitu jenis mutlak, pertengahan dan permulaan.

"Bagi yang jenis mutlak, tingkahlaku isteri adalah terlalu bersikap mengawal suami 100 peratus hingga suami bagaikan haiwan peliharaan, terpaksa tunduk sahaja atas semua arahan dan kemahuan isteri

"Jenis pertengahan pula adalah seperti si isteri suka mengawal dan mengarah ikut emosi yang sedang dialaminya. Mereka ini adalah isteri yang bersikap berubah-ubah dan ikut mood tanpa menghiraukan perasaan yang dialami suami ketika itu.

"Manakala queen control jenis permulaan pula kebiasaannya terjadi selepas setahun mendirikan rumah tangga. Waktu itu, isteri mula melihat kelemahan suami serta mula tidak menyukai beberapa sifat pasangannya.

"Keadaan sebegini lebih mudah berlaku apabila si suami seorang yang lemah, kurang bertegas dan kerap memberi muka kepada isteri, iaitu sering tunduk kepada kemahuan si isteri," tegasnya.

TOLERANSI dan saling percaya adalah resipi terbaik percintaan.

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Justeru, dalam meneliti punca utama lahirnya sikap sebegini, queen control berlaku apabila si isteri mula melihat kelemahan suami dan merasakan dirinya lebih dominan. Tambahan apabila sejak lahiriah lagi si suami memang suka beralah untuk mengelakkan berlakunya ketegangan.

"Sebenarnya, suami bukanlah takut pada isteri yang begini, tetapi semata-mata malas hendak memanjangkan perkara kecil atau untuk mengelakkan perbalahan atau pertengkaran yang tercetus.

"Lebih-lebih lagi jika suami terpaksa bergantung nasib kepada isteri, misalnya dalam hal penyediaan makan minum, taraf pekerjaan yang rendah berbanding isterinya, soal pemberian penjagaan anak-anak dan rumah tangga, bahkan soal pendapatan," jelasnya pengaruh mertua juga turut menyumbang ke arah kewujudan sikap sebegini.

Dalam soal jolokan wanita queen control ini juga, mereka tidak mahu rasa tercabar dengan kedudukan yang lebih tinggi daripada pasangan. Sekali gus tidak mahu berasa rendah diri atau wujudnya jurang perbezaan di antara dua pihak, sehingga menjadi perbualan ramai.

"Saya bimbang jika keadaan ini dibiarkan berlaku. Ia boleh mengancam institusi perkahwinan itu sendiri. Perkara ini tidak sepatutnya berlaku dalam masyarakat," tegas beliau.

Adakah ia kesilapan daripada sikap lelaki itu sendiri sehingga membuatkan wanita bersikap mengongkong? "Ya, memang silap si lelaki. Sikap beralah itu baik, tapi usah terlalu memberi muka, nanti hilang kredibiliti.

"Suami adalah pemimpin, ketegasan itu kadang-kadang perlu supaya si isteri tidak terbabas memiliki sifat yang salah.

"Realitinya, lelaki akan berasa cepat jemu sekiranya ia berterusan. Lelaki seperti ini lebih rela menjalani hidup sedemikian rupa atas sebab kasih sayang yang besar sebagaimana digambarkan oleh watak Re (Tompel) dalam filem Do Re Mi.

"Terpulang kepada bentuk control daripada wanita itu sendiri. Jika wanita bersikap queen control kerana kegagalan suami berperanan sebagai ketua keluarga, lelaki tidak akan berasa jemu malah tidak mustahil lelaki akan berasa lega dan berlapang dada dengan pertolongan besar si isteri," jelasnya.

Agar diri dicintai

*Orang yang dicintai adalah peribadi yang disenangi, dirindui dan membuatkan orang lain bahagia saat berada di sisinya.

FITRAH kehidupan, manusia memiliki sifat-sifat yang dikagumi sehingga membuatkan diri mudah didampingi dan disanjung tinggi oleh insan lain.

Setiap perkara yang ditempuhi dalam rutin kehidupan mematangkan fikiran.

Dengan tutur kata yang sopan, bijak berkomunikasi dan mempunyai pemikiran yang matang, sememangnya menjadi pakej diri kamu disenangi ramai. Kongsi tip agar diri mudah dicintai.

* Positif

Menerusi buku The Secret, terbitan Rhonda Byrne, setiap perkara baik seharusnya bermula dengan sikap positif. Mula berprasangka baik terhadap insan lain sehinggalah membuatkan diri kamu sentiasa berfikiran positif walau apa jua perkara yang dilakukan.

Sikap positif itu akan terpancar umpama daya tarikan magnet, yang akan menarik orang di sekeliling untuk mendekati diri kamu.

* Ceria

Berada berhampiran dengan orang yang memiliki sifat periang sememangnya membuatkan diri kamu lupa sejenak bebanan masalah yang bersarang di kotak fikiran. Kehadiran si penceria senantiasa dinanti-nantikan. Di saat kamu tersenyum, tubuh akan merangsang hormon yang dapat menghilang stres.

Jadi, sentiasalah tersenyum untuk menikmati perasaan ceria.

* Ramah

Saat bertemu dengan insan yang baru dikenali, mereka yang memiliki sikap ramah tidak akan berasa ragu untuk melemparkan senyuman mahupun menyapa.

Sikap ramah biasanya mendatangkan kesan positif kerana ia akan membuatkan orang yang bersemuka dengan kamu berasa dirinya diterima dan dihargai.

Jangan ragu untuk mengawal interaksi dengan orang lain. Mula berlatih berbicara secara langsung menerusi talian telefon dengan orang lain, jika impikan keramahan itu.

* Ringan tangan

Kualiti seorang rakan akan dinilai menerusi bantuan yang dihulurkan. Jangan menunggu permintaan seseorang dalam mengharapkan bantuan.

Jika berada dalam posisi tersebut, kamu tentunya mudah menawarkan bantuan saat mereka memerlukan.

* Rendah hati

Berbeza dengan sikap rendah diri yang merupakan suatu kelemahan, rendah hati mengungkapkan satu kekuatan yang ada pada diri. Hanya orang yang kuat jiwanya sahaja yang bersikap rendah hati. Ia seperti padi yang semakin berisi, makin menunduk.

* Percaya diri

Orang yang mempercayai diri sendiri kebiasaannya sering merasakan dirinya nyaman dan tidak pernah berasa dirinya terancam dengan situasi atau orang-orang di sekeliling. Itu bermakna, aura tenang akan terpancar dari dalam dirinya sehingga mampu menarik perhatian orang di sekeliling. Dalam dunia ini, tiada seorang pun yang memiliki sifat serupa dengan yang lain. Jadi, jangan ragu untuk menampilkan keunikan diri kamu itu.

* Pemaaf

Dendam dan iri hati adalah salah satu ciri penyakit hati yang begitu kronik dan sering datang menyerang.

Selain dapat mencemar hubungan, penyakit ini juga akan membuat perasaan kamu menjadi tidak nyaman.

Seseorang yang lapang hati akan sentiasa merasa bahagia. Jangan hanya mengangguk ketika menerima ungkapan maaf dari orang lain. Lebih penting, kamu seharusnya menghapus segala kesalahan tersebut dari benak fikiran dan hati kamu.

* Jujur

Kata orang, harga kejujuran lebih mahal daripada emas. Cuba bayangkan bagaimana sekiranya teman kamu hobinya adalah bohong. Selain akan menimbulkan salah faham, ia juga akan merugikan orang lain. Maknanya, jangan hairan apabila orang jujur dicintai semua orang.

Friends Or Not?

For the last 3 days,i was bz collecting articles about staying friends with ex.It's bcoz' my friend was really in dilemma when her ex wanted to be friend after he broke up their relationship.I just couldn't believe it.After breaking up her heart,he said he wanted to remain friends.It seems that he has no guilt at all by offering a friendship.
I was worried about her of accepting that offer as she still has that feeling towards him.She wants to be friends with him in hoping he will take her back & give her a second chance.She said she keeps on remembering him.She can't forget him.
I don't want to make a decision for her as this is her life.I don't want to be blamed in the future.
I tried my best to give her my thoughts & experts advice about this so that she can make up her mind.I don't want her to regret in the future.All the best to her.Good luck.

How To Get Over A Break Up?

We all go through breakups. They can be rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. Breakups are handled differently by different people. These steps may not be perfect for everyone, but they can help!

Steps
1. Examine what happened, and ask yourself why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault - or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
2. Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, bear in mind that thinking about all the good times you had may cause you to forget the reason for why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second guess if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to overly romanticize the good parts of a relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, maybe you could live with them. Or that maybe if your ex could know just how you feel, s/he wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and move on.
3. Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, no sex - not necessarily as a permanent measure (except where sex is concerned), but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). Also, if he tries to ask you to see him, make sure you question yourself of what good can come out of it. You don't want to relive the past by seeing him otherwise you'll get caught up by that moment and it will be hard to let go again.
4. Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It's okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to begin to move on.
5. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it seems there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed one another for a while, but even though everything seemed okay to you, if the relationship was not what your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later.
6. Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the split was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the final break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change.
7. Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you'll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.
8. Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to "get" valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life.
9. Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain.
10. Keep fond memories, discard painful ones. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, turn the station and move on - don't dwell on the pain. But if you have a keepsake, such as a watch or a pin that was given to you by your ex, and it makes you feel good to wear it and remember the good parts of your relationship, by all means, do so.
11. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
12. Stay active. It's scientifically confirmed that exercise improves your mood, and the distraction will help keep your mind off the situation. Go running outside, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step.
13. Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harboring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, you can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.
14. Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from your ex. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone or with someone you trust. Remind yourself that the only thing worse than the pain of a breakup is continuing a relationship that was not right for one or both of you.
15. Think positively. Now that you are single, you get to find someone else to go out with,find someone new, and different. This doesnt have to be so bad. Change your behaviors; that will help change your thinking. Of course, don't forget about respecting other peoples' thoughts and feelings while feeling released and free, and always remember to be true to yourself.

Tips
1. Walk out of your heartache, knowing that you have done all that you can do, said all that you can say, and given as much as you can give. If you feel you did your part as best you could, but he or she didn't meet you halfway, then you will not need to torture yourself with "what-ifs".
2. Do not put yourself through more pain than you have to. Do not think about where he or she would be right now, or if you should visit (you should not). Don't try to talk to him or her about the breakup. Don't make yourself think negatively about yourself or your judgment, or anything else that will make you doubt your decisions or yourself.
3. Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you've decided to stop seeing one another - stop.
4. As trite as it may sound, this one bears repeating: find something constructive to do - something that will hold your attention and require you to focus and get interested. Once you've spent a few days (or weeks) indulging the grief, it's time to take a class or maybe join a book group. Find something that gets you out of the house and out of your circular thought process, and which involves your brain or your creative side. Sometimes you've forgotten who you were before you hooked up with the person you're so sad about now, and you need to wake yourself up a bit and remember that you used to have fun doing things you've forgotten about since then. You've got a brain, go use it for something besides re-running old memories!
5. Remember those old catch phrases: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", "Everything happens for a reason", "There are other fish in the sea" and likewise. When you go through a breakup or some other emotionally challenging time in your life, you're actually getting closer to finding true happiness because you are getting to know your true inner self. This may or may not include marriage or romantic relationships ... and that is okay, no matter what you do in life.
6. As simple as this sounds, be clear to yourself that you are actually breaking up. Too often the thoughts of possibly being back together gradually eats at you and destroys your emotional well being. Accept the truth of your situation, and commit to it.
7. If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: if s/he said s/he wanted you back, would you really want him or her? Will you ever trust him not to break your heart again? Will you be hurt, angry, distrustful when she is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who she is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it does happen, you may find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said "You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true."
8. Keep your dignity. Many times, it's our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment - volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
9. Remember that this pain just has to be survived. It takes a season of time to heal, like a broken arm - there is no magical, instant cure or relief. You won't die from it, though you may feel like you will for a time. Endure. Eventually, though, you will feel better, the pain will lessen, and you will be able to love again.
10. It's a good time to try something new. Try a new hobby, a style, a sport. It'll keep you going and moving on.
11. If you find yourself compulsively checking your ex's myspace, Facebook, or any other social networking profile, help yourself out and use the Firefox extension, blocksite, which allows you to block the URL to that profile. Sometimes it also helps to take them off your 'Friends' list, or 'de-friend' them. Even if things ended on a clean slate, it can be too painful to see what the other person is up to.
12. Your partner has a right to choose to be or not to be with you. Respect the decision. If your partner digs at you again, do behave with dignity. Taking the high road may be hard now, but you'll be glad later that you didn't stoop to the gutter, even though you could have.
13. Every day make sure you smile. Smiling really helps, even at the worst time of your life. You can be whoever you want to be now, without thinking "will he/she mind if I do that?". Nothing is more important than you. Love yourself, love life, and make sure as soon as you wake up SMILE!

Warnings
1. Do not contact other people who have been interested in you to make yourself feel better or get involved with someone else (emotionally or sexually) right away. It is not fair to them as they may become the victim of your rebound. Allow yourself adequate time to process before jumping into a new relationship. *Don't look for so many distractions from the pain, emptiness, or heartache that you fail to process the emotions adequately. You're supposed to grieve a lost relationship in which you'd invested yourself emotionally. Think about it - what kind of person could just say, "Whatever" and walk away as if nothing had happened? Ride it out - turning to destructive distractions like drugs, alcohol, casual sex, etc. will only make things worse, and can actually prolong the entire grieving process. If you try to hide from the pain, it just waits around the corner and jumps out at you as soon as the temporary relief of your "distraction" wears off. The best and only way to get to the other side of the sadness is to go straight through it with a clear head. Believe it or not, it's the fastest way as well. It won't be long until you do feel better.
2. If you were the one who got "dumped," avoid the temptation to chase after your ex, ask questions about what went wrong, and try to "fix" everything. It will only strengthen your ex's resolve to push you away, and will make the breakup much harder and more painful than it needs to be.
3. If your ex has done things to hurt you (other than breaking up), don't drop to that level. It's pathetic and cruel.
4. Although you may be tempted to take revenge, or send notification through third parties about your great success in life since the breakup - don't exert the energy. Allow things to run their course without your intervention - they have a way of working out just fine in the end.
5. Never contemplate suicide. You are ending a relationship - and even though it's hard to believe it, you are not ending life itself. Give yourself time to recover from the shock and sadness without entertaining thoughts of harming yourself. If you find you can't shake these thoughts after a few days, then you need to seek psychiatric help immediately.
6. Avoid checking up on any online social networking page (Bebo, MySpace, Facebook) to see what your ex is up to. If you think you'll be too tempted, just cut loose and quit the site. The possibility exists that you'll be checking one day and see your former squeeze with another girl/guy. There is such thing as being self-protective and avoiding unnecessary pain.
7. Please remember too that if it didn't work the first time and the second or third time with this person, you may just not be compatible and its better to let go and move on.

Things You'll Need
You can do it without the following items, but they are highly recommended for the most rewarding (yes, really!) experience possible:
1. A few shoulders to cry on. It really does help to talk about it, preferably to more than just one person (if only to give your best friend some relief).
2. A Teddy Bear (for hugs and to talk to at 4am when everyone else is asleep.) Dogs and cats will do, too, although pets may not always give you quite that loving sympathetic gaze and undivided attention that teddy bears are so good at. (But avoid the stuffed animals/gifts your ex gave you)
3. Hot showers (As much as you may not even want to get out of bed, much less get in the shower - *sniffle* "who cares if I wash my hair now, anyway?" - you will feel better after a shower, or a nice long soak in the tub. Hot water relaxes tense muscles, soothes anxiety and refreshes puffy, tear-stained faces.
4. Paper and pens (a journal is perfect, paints and glue and other illustration tools, even better!)
5. Funny movies and absorbing novels can be a great temporary respite and laughter can really lighten your mood.
6. If you're one of the millions who try to fill that empty sad feeling through your mouth (which usually doesn't work because food isn't what you're missing), fill the fridge with celery sticks and other light snacks that you won't regret later if you eat too munch.
7. Food - don't forget to eat! Heartbreak can often rob you of your appetite, but be sure not to to punish yourself and remember to think about you as you are the most important person now. Being ill from malnutrition won't help you be strong enough to move on.
8. Your sense of humor and your knowledge that "this too shall pass".
Lots of tissues.
9. Self-love. even if you aren't feeling so hot about yourself right now, look in the mirror and remind yourself of all the good things about you, and the fact that breaking up does not mean there is something wrong with you. Remember that lots of great people have failed relationships; the fact that your relationship failed says nothing about you as a person. it doesnt mean there is something wrong with you, it means there was something not working in the relationship.
10. Friends and family are a great support system - they will do anything and everything to help you heal and be happy again. Go out to play with them, even if you don't feel like it - you won't regret it. If you have unsupportive people in your life, you need to seek support elsewhere.
11. The realization that great guys/girls DO exist, this is not the last person you will ever love, and hopefully you'll find the one for you that you'll go the distance with. If you found it once, you can find it again. Promise. :)

http://www.wikihow.com/

Happy Deepavali

Happy Deepavali to all my hindu friends especially Gayathri.

How to be friends with your ex-partner?

1. Time is the all-important factor. One needs to put the past behind them and feel as if they have moved on to another chapter in their lives. If one person is still in love and wants the relationship to continue, time must separate the two, until that person realises that he or she is moving on in life without the other as a special, intimate companion.

2. No sex please, we are just friends. Don't even think about sex with the ex. You'll be back where the troubles all began.

3. Avoid talking with your ex about your old relationship when you are trying to be friends.

4. There may be some attraction left, at least for one of you. Maintain some discipline with each other, especially at the beginning of the friendship. Limit how much time you spend together, how long should phone calls last and what kind of questions are asked.

5. Don't talk about who you are dating now. - at least not until you are at the point where you are completely comfortable as friends.

6. Avoid the old behavioural patterns that defined your romantic relationship. No holding hands or gazing!

Can U Ever Be Friends With Ur Ex?

By Heidi Muller

In most relationships, the time to say goodbye usually arrives at one point or another -- unless you intend to walk down the aisle, of course (and even then). You've shared memories that will either make you laugh or cry, and it's time to take your experiences, put them in your back pocket and move on. But somewhere on the road of parting ways couples feel the need to promise to stay friends -- which ultimately leads to more broken promises.

So why can't ex-lovers remain friends? Why is it all or nothing?

Comfort Zone
Although it would make things much easier in the dating world, relationships rarely see mutual breakups. One person is usually the heartbreaker, while the other mulls over the breakup and pain for weeks, even months. It's never easy to break up with someone you've shared good times with (and even if they were bad times, they were still times ).

But the person who does the breaking up feels like less of a bad guy by offering that sense of truce: "It's not you, it's me. We'll still be friends, right?" This peace offering of friendship provides the dumper with the solace of knowing they aren't such a horrible person because they still want to be friends with their ex.

I've Created a Monster
Not only does it give the dumper the comfort of knowing they aren't monsters, but by wanting to remain friends, it also allows the dumper to feel that their former lover will still be in their life, and they won't have to miss having them around.

So now the dumper can move on with their life with ease, and with the pleasure of having coffee with their former mate every so often -- but the ex whose heart was ripped out and chewed up by the person who keeps leaving them friendly messages and e-mail isn't a happy camper.

Obviously, these messages on the machine and coffee dates don't last long, and if they do, they end even worse than the breakup. Yes, being friends with an ex-lover is an impossible feat: find out why.

Exes Must Stay That Way

You've Seen Each Other Naked
Although it may be possible to have casual sex with a friend, even this can damage a relationship. As hard as it is to accept, it's difficult to bring a relationship back to its normal state after having been most intimate with someone. You will always have an image of that person naked, and memories of the trysts will always be triggered by the smell of her skin or perfume, or even by hearing a song that you once made passionate love to.

And as thick-skinned as you are, it's hard to see the person in the same light after being entangled in each other's skin and sharing a moment of sheer ecstasy with one another.

You Can't Confide In Each Other
As hard as two exes try to stay friends, they can never really confide in one another. How do you tell your ex that you have a hot date tonight, or that you and your new lover are going away on a steamy getaway? You can't even tell your ex that the reason you're smiling so much is because a woman has just pleasured you like never before.

You can tell her these things, but new lovers and mates are always going to be a sensitive issue. It's even harder to tell her how hurt you were that your date stood you up the other night, thanks to your sense of pride.

Remaining friends seems to provide us with the security blanket that the person who has been in our life will still be there, and we can call on them every once in a while to find out how they are -- but we'll never actually know how they really are.

Always One-Sided Bitterness
Since breakups are rarely one-sided, one party will always feel resentment or bitterness towards the other person. Even if your ex is feigning friendship, she's not sincerely your friend; so if it seems like plans with your new potential woman are always being sabotaged, they just might be.

Jealousy Comes Into Play
And where there's bitterness, there's jealousy. And the truth of the matter is, it's hard to be sincerely happy for your ex when they've just found the new love of their life.

You Don't Want Them With Anyone Else
It's human nature to be jealous or resentful when our ex finds a new person to cuddle up to, even if we don't have feelings for them anymore. It almost becomes a race of who will find the new lover first, a challenge especially brought on by the person who was dumped. Even for the person who did the breaking up, the thought of someone else taking your place in the memories that you and your ex shared is hard, and sometimes extremely painful to fathom.

Passion Still Exists
Even if your relationship was completely problem-ridden, chances are that the passion and sexual chemistry between the two of you still exists (unless lack of attraction was the reason for your breakup). This is a recipe for disaster because it means that every time you get together under this new "friendship" premise, the lust and passion you have makes it more likely that you'll end up in "one more" night of unbridled "goodbye" sex, for old times sake. This brings you right back to square one -- how you felt right after your breakup, and just when you were doing so well.

MOVING ON
Leaving the past behind is hard enough, and you don't want part of your past still programmed in your cell phone. Although it's easier for the dumper, recovering from a breakup is still a hard thing to do since it means being single again, getting back into the dating scene, and no longer making that daily goodnight call you and your ex used to share.

But having that person still lingering in your life as a constant reminder makes it even harder to move on with your life, meet new people and turn a fresh page. It's almost like keeping one foot in the past, and another struggling to make it back into the pickup scene.

It also might be a better idea to leave things with pleasant memories of the other person, rather than drag the potentially doomed relationship through the mud.

In a perfect world, the ideal would be for exes to succeed at being friends, but in one where bitterness, jealousy, passion, and human nature exceed reasoning and rational thought, it's impossible. So unless the two of you were the best of friends before; both broke up on the same terms in a perfectly mutual breakup; both have no qualms about either of you seeing new people, and have both instilled a total honesty policy, better to leave the friendship behind... along with the memories.


Points To Consider Before U're Thinking Of Staying Friends With An Ex;

How the Break Up Happened
The method in which you two broke up is an important indicator on whether you two will remain friends. After all, if one of you engaged in bad break up behavior you either won’t remain friends, or your newly developed friendship won’t last very long. If the person who initiated the break up wants to remain friends, it can be very difficult and almost cruel to the one who got dumped. After all, they may wonder why their ex couldn’t stand to be with them but now wants to hang out “as a friend.” Confusing.

What Went On During the Relationship
Friendships require the same amount of trust and kindness that relationships do. So if one of you cheated or abused the other, it’s unlikely a friendship will fare any better. The same applies for any reoccurring issues that just never seemed to go away. Even the smallest of slights, such as forgetting to call when you’re supposed to or ignoring your partner when you know they’re in a down mood, can carry over into your friendship. A friendship between two ex’s simply means they don’t have sexual feelings for each anymore. Any communication issues or problems, however, will remain.

Are the Two of You Really Over?
If any lingering feelings of love (or lust) remain with one of you, forging a friendship too soon will undoubtedly cause hurt feelings and misunderstandings. You can’t just immediately become friends if one of you hasn’t come to terms with the fact that your relationship has ended. Initiating this (whether you are the one who broke up or the one who still has feelings) is just plain cruel. Sometimes one partner will ask to remain friends simply because they like having someone around who adores them. But this type of friendship isn’t true, and in every case will come to an end once the other has found real love.

How Much Time Has Gone By?
There is a process that comes with getting over a break up. Once you and your former flame have successfully moved on, the two of you may be able to forge a successful friendship. However, you need to give it time and let it happen naturally. Sometimes couples are not willing to leave their friendship in the hands of fate. After all, they reason, if love didn’t blossom for them, why would a friendship be any different? But friendships ARE different, and that’s the point. So if you happen upon your former flame after you both are in a good place in your lives, keeping them around as a pal is a possibility. Saying “let’s stay friends” forty seconds after you break up won’t work.

Now I Know

Now i know why my now husband forbid me to get close to one of my friend.B4 this i kept on protest when he forbidded me to see her.Sometimes he said bad things about her.I kept on saying to myself,he has no right to commenting about my friend.He had no idea who is she.He didn't know her that well.But now i know.I'm not saying that she is bad & i'm nice.She has her own way to stay nice.
Last weekend she asked me to 'lepak' at her house bcoz' since i got married,we haven't meet each other.I've to say no bcoz' my husband is coming home that week.I said to her,i have to ask for his permission b4 i go to anywhere.She just couldn't accept that fact.She said that i'm too loyal.She asked me not to be that stupid.I told her,now i'm a wife.It's compulsory for a wife to ask permission from her husband & it's not only a fact,it's written in the quran.It's a sin to go out without a husband's permission.But she couldn't accept my reason.She said in this modern world,there's no such thing of doing that.I said to her,the law or 'hukum' is for all old & modern people.There's no such law for old & modern people bcoz' paradise & hell didn't know it.& we've to accept that it's god's law & we've no right to question it.If we can't accept it,it means that we've disobey god's law.Still she can't accept it when she said it's not fair for a wife to seek permission from her husband whereas a husband can go anywhere he likes without his wife's permission.Oh,it's hopeless to say anything to her.She just couldn't accept it.
Then she said to me (i sense that she teased me), be a loyal wife so that i can enter the paradise.I was so hurt by her word.Entering the paradise is not our decision.It's god's decision.But quran said,the easiest way to enter paradise for a wife is to obey all her husband's command & stay loyal.
She said nowadays modern women can do anything she wants to.Yes it's true but she has to understand,how modern or high ur status are,u've to obey to ur husband.Asking for permission doesn't mean that u've to ask everytime u want to do anything.It's funny when she thought that we had to ask permission everytime we want to go to work.It's not like that.Oh,it's hard to explain something to someone that just couldn't want to listen.
She was mad at me when i didn't want to tell her about my first night experience.She asked me how my first night was.I just can tell her that i'm really happy with it but couldn't explain it further bcoz' it's the secret between a husband & a wife.If she wanted to know it further,she had to experience it herself.She said it's ok to tell bcoz' it's only between us & there's no guys here.She said she'll keep it as a secret.Sorry,no no no.Most people always said that;they'll tell no one,but in the end the story will spread.She was not happy with my answer.She said i'm too stingy.Say whatever u want but my decision is final.It was a secret & i've to keep it to myself ONLY.
She said i'm too old-fashioned.I know.Many people said it to me.May be bcoz' i wore 'baju kurung' all the time when i go to work.I wore tudung even though i'm not working at that time.I stayed at home most of the time.I didn't go clubbing.I didn't go karaoke-ing.I just don't care.Yes,i wore 'baju kurung' bcoz' i'm comfortable with it but i just wore it when i'm working.When i'm not working,i wear jeans & t-shirt like others do.I even wear short & sleaveless while i'm at home.Every year,during raya aidilfitri & aidiladha,i made a lot of 'baju kurung'.I've no problem with it bcoz' my mom made them herself.So i've no problem sending them to the tailor.They've to pay for it while my mom made it for free for me.After raya,i wore them too work.I guess it's more appropriate to wore it as i'm working in the office.I'm comfortable with it & i don't have to spend for other dress.
I'm not that religious but i know what's right & what's wrong.Wearing tudung is compulsory to all female muslim.But i've to admit it,i wear it everytime i went out but when i'm at home,i'm not wearing it even though there is non-muhrim man (man that we can get married) around.I know she didn't wore baju kurung to work.She wore it only for hari raya & sometimes on friday.Now she doesn't wear tudung anymore.She said,wearing tudung is old-fashioned.It's hard to do everything if u wore tudung if u live in kl.But she not even lived in kl.She stayed in hulu langat.It was far from kl.But i do lived in kl.But i've no problem with wearing tudung.I can go anywhere i like except for disco & bar.She likes to go clubbing.She like to go karaoke-ing.So,it's not appropriate to wear tudung when u go there.
She used to push me to go to disco.She always wanted to go there but she didn't anyone to take her there.Yes,it's true i've been there once.But only for 1/2 hours.It was 6 years ago & i went there with my housemates.I went there not to enjoy myself but just to see what's the disco like & i want to 'jaga hati' my housemate as she always asked me to go there but i'm always say no.I just stay there,looking at the people dancing like crazy people.I can't stay long as my head's spinning bcoz' of the loud music, the lighting, the smokes, the crowd & the smell of alcohol.But swear to god,i didn't touch any drink they served even the coke.For me,that's the first & the last time i'm going to the disco.It's not for me.At least i know.
That's bcoz' i love quiet surroundings.I love to stay at home.& after getting married,i'm comfortable to be at home especially when my husband is at home.I realized that i'm old enough.So it's time to build my own family.No more clubbing or what-so-ever.But she can't accept it.She wanted to 'bercinta' as long as she can.Then she wanted to engage as long as she can.It's bcoz' she wanted to feel the love; dunia percintaan & dunia pertunangan.She didn't want to get married that soon bcoz' she didn't want to tied up with husband & kids.She wanted to enjoy her life as much as she could.She said marriage will only tie both our hands & legs.She used me as an example.But she was wrong.I feel loved.I don't feel that marriage has blocked my life.Marriage gives me a certainty.Marriage gives me a satisfaction.Marriage gives me such a freedom.I didn't have to worry anymore of being catch up by JAIS or JAWI while we go dating.We can do anything we like.We can kiss, hug & holding hand even in the crowd with no worries.So,what else do i want with it?
May be she wanted to be like me.My husband & i have been a couple since the end of 2001.So it was a very long period.Our relationship has on & off twice.But still we got married in the end.But she doesn't know that after all this while,we've been in a lot of challenges.There're a lot tears & laugh in our love story.I've been hurt but thanx to god i'm strong enough to face them.She has to realize that god gives different challenges to different people.God only gave a challenge that can be bear by a person bcoz' god is merciful.
I'm may be an old-fashioned but i've an open mind.I can accept anything & i don't judge others that easily bcoz' we don't know who they really are.I'm educated.I read newspapers & magazines, but not entertainment magazines like urtv,mangga etc.I watched tv.I'm not put her down but for me she's more old-fashioned than me.She is in culture shocked.She came from a rural area;felda.She left her place to further her study at ipoh for 2 years but she only got an unrecognize certificate.Then she went back to jb to work as a clerk.Then she came to kl to work here.She was very proud to work in kl.Her parents were proud when her villagers talked about it.She may be worked in kl but still she stayed at a rural area,outside kl.But she kept on telling others that she stayed in kl.Now she's not working in kl anymore but still she admitted it.Erm...
For her,working in kl is a proud thing to do.What a thought.For me,kl is nothing bcoz' i've been here b4 i worked here.I've a lot of relatives here in kl.My cousins, my brothers were here.Even though i'm not studying in kl but i've been exposed to kl environment since i was in secondary school.I went to a boarding school,so there were many kl students there.There once i entered university, i befriend with a lot of kl people.So,kl is nothing to me.That's why now i moved to live outside kl bcoz' i'm tired of kl surroundings.I want for a more peaceful environment.
For her two timing is ok as long as we haven't make up our mind.It's not a sin to have more than one bf at the same time bcoz' nowadays men have more than one gf at the same time.Men can do it,so why can't women do it?She has to accept the fact that men can marry more than one woman at the same time but women can't.
If she can't accept these fact,what else can i say to her.It's her life & it's her choice.She can say whatever she wants to but she has to accept mine too.Law is law.It is used for the whole era.If u don't agree with it,u've to answer the god.& please don't judge other people with what they wear.

Complain! Complain! Complain!

Complain, complain, complain!I just can't get it.Why some poeple just could't satisfied for what they had?Why can't they accept & appreciate what they have infornt of their eyes?Why can't they accept that nothing is perfect in this whole world?
Yesterday my friend A complain about her new bf.B4 this she was not confident with her relationship with her ex bcoz' they're far apart & seldomly met.He even not serious with their relationship & stayed mum when she talked about marriage.
& now she found someone that serious into getting married.He even told her how much money (duit hantaran) he'll give to her when they get married.He even told her that he wanted to meet her parents.She said he is an understanding man, caring, loving, considerate, cheerful & hardworking.Plus he is a handsome man.The problem is she just couldn't accept his job.He worked for a production company as a crew.Most of the time he had to go out station.His working time is not fixed.Sometimes he has to work at night.So they can't see each other that much & they only keep in touch with hp,if he's not bz. For her,everything is perfect except for his job.She wished that he could find another job so that they can spent some times together more often.Abot the marriage proposal,she takes it as a joke.She always laugh when he mentioned about it.She thinks that he was joking as they knew each other only early last month.So it's too soon to really read his inner heart.
I know her taste.She always goes for the look.Last time she accepted her ex even though he was not good looking bcoz' she was lonely.Right now,she is lonely again.She just being left out but she can accept him bcoz' he's handsome.But another problem came;his work.His working time was not fixed hour & the pay was also not that fixed.Ada kerja,ada gaji (when there's a job,there's payment).So she really worried about it.
I can't comment anything about it bcoz' i already know what will she said.I only wish that she gratitute for what she had.She can't has everything she wished for at the same time.No body is perfect.She said she wanted to get married but now when she found someone that's serious about it,she seems to avoid it.She said she wanted to feel the love world (dunia percintaan) first.Then she wanted to get engaged.Then she wanted to get married.It seems that that will takes at least another 2 years.Now,she's already 26 & her parents were always make noise about it.So what's she waiting for?I think she will only settle down when she stop complaining about everything.So please stop complain.

Bunga Bukan Sekuntum, Kumbang Bukan Seekor

A few days ago,my friend A told me a sad news.She has been dumped by her boyfriend.Her bf asked to break off on the 5th hari raya.Even though she treated him a sparepart,she felt really sad & hurt especially it happened during a happy days, hari raya.She didn't expect her bf will leave her & that soon.She planned to leave him after she found a replacement but now,she has been left out.I felt sorry for her but at the same time deep down i feel it serves her right bcoz' she only treat him as a spare part & has plan to dump him as soon as she has a new replacement.& last fasting month,she met another guy but she wasn't sure about her feeling.So she befriend with him & her bf at the same time.She has no problem of meeting both of them bcoz' her bf was in jb while she & her new bf were in kl.

She just couldn't understand why did he broke off their relationship.As far as she could remember,he was mad at her when she told him that she bought a new necklace for her mom using her credit card.She couldn't get it why he mad about it as she used her own money to pay the bills.She can afford it.After the incident,he kept quiet for several days.Then suddenly he send sms saying that he want a break off.He gave no reason.She tried to call him but he didn't picked it his hp.She sent a lot of smses but no reply.A few days after that he called & told her that he just couldn't be with her anymore bcoz' she didn't understand him.Fullstop.That's it.That's the only reason he gave.
She tried to find the details but he stayed mum.She was furious bcoz' he broke off their relationship thru sms.He has not guts to meet her & break it off face to face.Such a coward.& last weekend he came to kl bcoz' he has a seminar here.He asked whether she wanted to meet him or not.She was not that eager to meet him but she want to bcoz' she wanted to hear his true reason for the break off.But when the time came,he sent her sms saying that he was already on the way back to jb.He went back early morning bcoz' the seminar finished early.
She was more angry with him.It seems that he has no guts to meet her.If he really a man,he should met her & told her directly,not thru sms.It is very rude.Apa,dia ingat dia handsome sangat?(He thought he handsome?)Sorry to say,he's not handsome at all.He's a typical nerd guy.He told her that he wanted to befriend her & hoped that they can still be friend after this.Hah,it's not that easy.He had hurt her feeling,now he wanted to be just a friend.For me,i can't accept it.So is she.But she couldn't just ignore him bcoz' he debted her.He used her credit card to buy a new laptop & he has 6 times more to pay.She had to keep in touch with him bcoz' of the debt.If not,she has no feeling to have any contact with him anymore.

& now she was really lonely.As i said b4,she is real loner.She had no friend apart of her colleague & her siblings.Luckily she has a replacement.I wish her best with her new partner.Please remember,it's not in the end of the world."Bunga bukan sekuntum,kumbang bukan seekor".

Controversy Engagement

As i told earlier,my closed cousin engaged the day after my wedding day.Since my auntie lived far from my village & our family,she really depends on us.I don't know why but villagers at her place were not that helpful.So,the same person who helped on my wedding day also had to help her.Poor them bcoz' they already exhausted.But since we're family,we had to help.Even though my auntie was my mom's in-law,my mom treated her like her own sister,so early morning she went there to help as much as she could bcoz' my auntie told us that no one was there to help her.Poor mom bcoz' she seemed really tired.Whereas my husband & i had to clear our house first as the next day we're going to my husband's house.
After zohor pray we went there.The man's family said there'll arrived right after zohor pray.The man was from our state's neighbour.Usually it takes about 2 1/2 hours to reach our place from his place.Unfortunately they only arrived right after asar pray.Calculating from the time they left their place,they took almost 7 hours to reach here.Almost from kl to kt.
The weather was so hot.There was too hot to be in my aunt's house as there was no wind at all to cool it.To make it worst,everybody was talking behind the back.I've no idea what was going on as i arrived late.My 'nenek saudara' was furious with my aunt bcoz' she made her own decision without my grand's consent.There were a lot of unsatisfied decision such as;
1)It's a tradition for the people from the man's place to give money b4 coming to the other's place.It was like paying for all the food, drinks & treatment for them when they came.I guess it's fair as they ate a lot & asked for many kind of food.From what i heard,they'll say their dissatisfation if the food & the the treatment were not good bcoz' they paid for them.So all people can accept that bcoz' it's their tradition.But my aunt didn't want to accept any money from them.But when the man's family came,they asked for variety of food.That's why my granny was so furious with my aunt.
2) We've been waiting for them since morning.As soon as they arrived,they hurriedly went to eat first.We had to wait them to finish eating first b4 we can begin the ceremony.What make we mad,they took very long to eat & there's a woman who ate too slow.It took ages to finish her food.& as we expected,they ate a lot.It's like that they were too hungry."Macam tak pernah jumpa makanan".They asked that,they asked this.In my life,this is the first time i'm in this kind of situation.May be they are hungry,that's why they went to eat as soon as they arrived but for me it's not polite.I still remember when my family went to gemas n9 for my brother's engagement.Our journey were far than them but all of us had taken our breakfast b4 we start our journey,to avoid starving.Some of us even brought food to eat in the journey.& some of us even stop by at the shop to buy food.So when we reached the girl's house,we went straight for our main intention,to propose.Then after the ceremony we ate.So that no one had for us to finish our meal to start the ceremony.& we can eat peacefully & enjoy our food,no worries to finish our food ASAP.
3) The amount of 'hantaran'.The man's family had decided how many 'hantaran' the girl should give to the man.They asked 9 from the girl's side & the thing she should give.If the girls' family won't accept this request,the engagement will be cancelled.The man even asked for a ring from the my cousin.The man bought the right first & my cousin had to pay him afterward.The ring cost her rm400++.
The controversy here are the amount of the 'hantaran' & the 'hantaran' itself.The man's side 'forced' the girl to give them what they want.If not,the engagement ceremony will be off.& for the ring?It's not our tradition to give a ring to a man during an engagement.If u want the ring as a give,u can give it during the wedding. For me,if the man really want the ring,he should buy it himself & shouldn't asked my cousin to pay him back.What an inconsiderate man.
4) If not mistaken,it's our tradition that the groom-to-be shouldn't be in that ceremony.It was an oldman's business.But the man shamelessly went straight in the house to take part in the discussion.Luckily my husband stopped him.But after the man's mother put the ring into my cousin's finger,the man went in to sit beside my cousin.It was like a wedding ceremony.One of my relative said,if that so,it's better if they get married on the spot.It's not nice to sit together like that.As far as we know,the people from that place were known as a religious person.But then why they let the man & the girl sit together very close?
5) Now it's the time to exchange the 'hantaran'.I also helped in.What made i'm furious was when one of the man's family member said to me that they wanted back the plate that they put in a 'pulut kuning'.That time,i was shifting that 'pulut kuning' from the man's side to the girl's side.I tried to take of the plate but couldn't.If i forced to take it off,the 'pulut' will fell down as they arranged it vertically.Nonsence.It was only a small plate.& i know it was a cheap one.Very stingy of them.They already gave it to my cousin,so why should they asked it back.If that plate was so expensive,they should used a plastic plate instead.
6) There were not many things to be discussed in that ceremony.The 'duit hantaran' will be discussed again later.They will get married within a year as my aunt said she won't wait any longer as her daughter already old.How could my aunt said that as my cousin only 27.My aunt let the man's family to decide everything.She agreed to their decision 100%.That's what my granny mad at my aunt.My aunt talked like she was desperate to get her daughter married.Now we're worried that in the end my aunt will suffer with thier request as they already knew that my aunt will say yes to everything.We're worried that they will take for granted as my cousin is the eldest from 3 siblings & like me,she is the only daughter.
7) My cousin spent rm180 for make up.She hired 3 'mak andam' to make-over her.My granny was mad at her bcoz' it was costly & the outcome was not good.My husband said,my cousin look like chinese ghost.The make-up was too thick.It seemed that she can't smile or talk comfortably.Her make-up cake out bcoz' of the hot weather & it made her 'ugly'.My granny said she could save her money if she asked help from her aunties.Even my cousin knew how to wear make-up as everytime she went to my house,she'll wear make up & i think her make-up was nice, better than this.
She even spent rm80 for the 'pelamin'.It was a simple 'pelamin',like my wedding 'pelamin'.They hang the curtain, put 2 big pillow to sit & flowers at both side.My granny said,if that she want,she had a lot of more beautiful curtain & her daughter could make a better pelamin with no charge.That what made my granny mad at my aunt & cousin.
8) It seems that my aunt were to happy to accept the man as her son-in-law.May be the man has a big salary.I heard he worked at airport cargo.But i'm not sure as what.I don't think he worked as a pilot since he was way to dark.His skin burned.No way a pilot's skin who worked in a cockpit can be burned like that.May be he worked at airport field,so that's why his skin burned from the heat of the field.
A soon as he arrived,all my cousin wanted to see him.All of them kept on guessing which is that guy.One of my cousin jokingly said may be he was handsome like shah rukh khan (she loved hindustan story).But when he entered the house,everyone was surprised.Even though he had a sharp nose,they said my husband way too handsome compared to him :)Oh,i'm shy..It's true.May be his body not that big like my hubby,but his skin way too dark compare to my hubby's skin.
Anyhow the engagement is on.The wedding bell is ringing.I heard my cousin had discussed with her fiance that the wedding will be held in may 2009.My granny said she won't say anything after this as my aunt took everything into her own hand without discussing it with our family.She hoped that everything will went on as planned.If anything bad happened,she won't interfere.She was really mad.I'm sorry to say that our family were not that happy to accept in-law from that state bcoz' we had a very bad experience with them.We heard a lot about them & we've seen it infront of our eyes.
For me,i only hope for the best for my cousin.She has chosen her soulmate.Hopefully nothing bad will happen afterward.Marriage is a gamble.Either u win or u loose.If u didn't want either of it,don't gamble.

Long Lost Friend

I guess,my wedding day was a day to meet long lost friends & family members.Ala-ala rancangan jejak kasih gitu.Why?I tell u why.
Wonder oh wonder, my husband's sister-in-law is the granddaughter of my grandmother.In other word,cucu saudara to my nenek saudara,the same with me.They haven't seen each other for quite sometimes.They never though of meeting at my house & they never know of who i am b4.
Then,on that evening,while my husband & i was sitting under the tent while eating,my husband said to me that there was a guy kept on staring at him.It seemed that he knew him.& my husband also thought that he met him somewhere but couldn't remember where & when.Then,when i mentioned his name (actually he is my cousin),automatically he remembered him.No wonder he kept on looking at my husband.Actually they used to work together at paka may be 9 years ago.Amazing that they still remember each other but afraid to greet bcoz' of mistaken identity.
Apart of meeting friends who i didn't see for long long times,i was shocked when my close friend called.We used to work together here.My husband brought her here.We became closed bcoz' we worked & lived together.As she hadn't no one here in kl,she depended on me very well.But we lost contact when she left this company unexpectedly to work with my x-employer & at the same time i was told to leave my rented house ASAP by my x-employer bcoz' he didn't like me to befriend my now husband.
Actually i sent her my wedding invitation card.I lost her hp number but i still kept her home address.She was very shocked to hear that i married my now husband.She wanted to meet me.She still had no one here.But now it is hard to see her as we lived quite far.I'm in cheras while she is in subang.But i promised her,i'll see soon.
I sympathized with her when i heard her story.Right now she was alone.B4 this,she was in love with my x-boss's best friend.At first,she kept on telling me that they have no feeling with each other.But when they kept on seeing every day,those feeling came.They became unseparatable especially when i left.She had no one to turn to in kl.The problem is that man is a married man & on that time,it was his 2nd marriage.But he left his wife with his parent in trganu.So,he freely can see other girls.He was a playboy bcoz' everyone told me that he had a lot of girlfriends.He used his charm to attract girls.But finally they became a couple.
After she left my x-boss's company,she worked at a hotel & a trusted source told me that she lived together with that man.I haven't seen her for almost 5 years but occassionally my husband saw them together near my old place.My husband saw her a few times at her workplace.But then we heard that she quit her job.Not long after that i saw that man in tv.Right now he was a high officer in a government body in trganu.B4 this he worked as a assistant director in a goverment sector.Now,he had been promoted into a director.I've seen his face a few times in tv.It means that now they didn't lived with each other anymore.
Then,a few days ago when she called me,i asked her about it.Actually my husband asked her about it at the first place.She told me that that man left her alone in kl but he promised to marry her once he promoted to a director.When i told her that now he is already a director,she was shocked bcoz' that man never told her about it.& now they rarely keeping in touch & they haven't seen each other for quite sometimes.Now she realized that he won't keep his promise.
I understand it was hard for her to find another man.She had given him everything she has.I don't think other man can accept her that easy.I think u'll understand what i mean.

Thank You

Today, i'm taking this opportunity to say to everybody involved in my wedding preparation.
First of all, my mom & my father.They've given their best effort to make this day successful.Thanx mak & ayah.I love u.I know,u want the best for me.Even though i can't afford to give u more for the 'kenduri' & i told u that i only want a small wedding ceremony,but in the end the ceremony went quite big & the guest were more than 1000.I know,this is the last real 'kenduri'u ever hold as i'm the only daughter u had.
Then,thanx to all my brothers & sisters-in-laws;abang zam & his wife kak na,sopi & his wife za,yusri,ijam & erie.To abang zam,even though we're not that close (bcoz' we only share the same father),thanx for being there in helping hand.To sopi,thank u also for coming home & shorten u raya celebration with ur in-laws.To yusri,thanx a zillion bcoz' akak know that u had spent a lot of money & effort for my wedding.U've taken a long holiday for this day.U purposely bought a new digital camera for the day.U also voluntarily rent the tent & etc using ur own money.U're also spent ur passtime by painting the house, & a lots more.Ijam,thanx for sponsored the paint for our house.To erie,u helped a lot.
To my loving uncle,ayah long,our chef of the day - thanx for the preparing the dish.Ur cooking is the best.
To all my aunties, uncles, cousins & neighbours - thanx for giving a helping hand.
To my cousin-in-law & cousin,kak nor,kak sah & kak dah - thanx for helping design & fix the 'pelamin'.It was beautiful.
To my loving cousin & like a sister to me, kak ja - thanx for helping design & making wedding dress.Sorry bcoz' i gave u headache bcoz' the cloth was so limit.Even though it look simple but everybody praise & like it & thought it was made by a special tailor.
To my cousins,kak nor, nora & yah - thanx for being the 'mak andam terjun' that day.I didn't know how to wear make-up & the 3 of u came to the rescue & had saved the day.Ur make over was tremendous & had change my look.I like it bcoz' it's a simple make-up but the outcome was awesome.
To others that i didn't mention their name,thank u very much.
To all the guests that had come,thank u.
To all my friends who had came - thanx for coming for my memoriable day & thanx for bringing along those beautiful presents.To Kak Ta - thanx for the beautiful bedsheet.I'm using it now.To idah - even though u can't make it,thanx for sending the present (the bedsheet) through our friends. To nor - thanx for the beautiful glass set.To rocky & ani - thanx for the useful book.I'll treasure it & use it wisely.& to others that i didn't mention their name,thanx again.Tie,nita,yati & ani - we haven't met for a long long time but thanx for coming.To kak nor - i only managed to send u the invitation card but i'm really happy to see u coming.Sorry for not contacting u for so long.I never forget u even though we're now far away.
To rosli - thanx for wishing me congratulations.
To liza - even though u can't come, u still contacted me to congratulate me.I'm glad u called me as i didn't know where to find u.Hopefully we can be friends again after this.
Once again, to every body -