Yesterday my friend complaint about his bf.They knew each other for only 6 months.She told me she wasn't sure about their relationship status but he told her he loved her.He's already 32 with a good job (engineer) yet he was not ready to marry yet.His excuse?He has a lot of other commitments;family,mortgages,etc.He can't promise her when will they can get married.
So,yesterday when he said he wanted to be with her & he loved her,she mentioned ONE word to him;marriage.He suddenly lost interest to talk.As usual,he changed topic.He said they're far away & she had a lot of responsibility towards her family.Does it mean all these 2 reasons make it hard for them to get married?Every time they talked about marrige,the word commitment & responsibility arose.It's so weird;they're too happy to be in love yet too afraid to get married.
Why are so many guys afraid of commitment?Do they feel it will some how take away their man hood?Have you been hurt too many times.....what is the real reason why some men run away from commitment? why?
Here is article from AskMen.com that can answer our confusion;
Why are so many guys afraid of commitment?Do they feel it will some how take away their man hood?Have you been hurt too many times.....what is the real reason why some men run away from commitment? why?
Here is article from AskMen.com that can answer our confusion;
Men love their freedom. For many guys, the very thought of making a commitment to one woman for the rest of their lives is enough to send them sprinting for the hills. The dreaded "C-word" implies compromise, loss of independence, the sacrifice of sexual variety, and the looming specter of financial devastation.
And the statistics bear this out -- the U.S. Census reports that, over the past four decades, the rate of marriage has definitely been on the decrease.
According to the National Marriage Project, a study undertaken at Rutgers University, men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. Cohabitation -- commitment with an escape hatch -- is on the rise. So what is the explanation for this phenomenon? Just why are men so afraid of commitment these days?
Here are a few of the reasons:
No more freedom
We men are extremely independent by nature. We like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted -- going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon -- suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, "No -- we're a couple now" (translation: "We're going to do things my way"). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.
Loss of space
We like guy things -- we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they're so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been reupholstered in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.
One sex partner, forever
We naturally crave sexual variety. When we commit -- either in marriage or cohabitation -- we willingly volunteer to cut ourselves off from any other sexual pursuits. Sexual boredom can set in, followed by a total lack of desire. For a lot of us -- even guys who weren't getting a lot of action anyway -- this can be the scariest consequence of all.
We've been burned before
When we've been divorced and run through the wringer of the female-biased court system, many of us are reluctant (read "terrified") to risk a second commitment. Nowadays, we aren't exactly chomping at the bit to sign a contract legally allowing a woman to clean us out financially. Successful achievers -- those of us who have built companies and high-powered careers from the ground up -- are especially afraid of being forced to hand over all the fruits of our hard labor to a greedy female and may make the decision never to get involved in a serious relationship again.
The emotional baggage
Many women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes -- for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied -- but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, nagging bitch, it's too late.
Lack of compromise
Commitment implies the ability to compromise -- ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're cut off from sex." So we are forced into surrendering to this sexual blackmail if we want to get any sex at all, and the result is a terrible loss of male power.
Loss of free time
Serious relationships suck up an enormous amount of time and energy -- they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn't worth the effort.
Not ready for it
These days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.
Can't trust a woman
We learn pretty fast that many women can't be trusted -- they're always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.
She applies pressure
For a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now . So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down -- pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.
And the statistics bear this out -- the U.S. Census reports that, over the past four decades, the rate of marriage has definitely been on the decrease.
According to the National Marriage Project, a study undertaken at Rutgers University, men today are overwhelmingly apprehensive about getting married. Cohabitation -- commitment with an escape hatch -- is on the rise. So what is the explanation for this phenomenon? Just why are men so afraid of commitment these days?
Here are a few of the reasons:
No more freedomWe men are extremely independent by nature. We like to make our own decisions and run our lives by our own rules. We want to do what we want when we want. But when a woman enters the picture, all the choices a guy simply used to take for granted -- going out for a beer with his buddies, buying a big screen TV, playing golf on Saturday afternoon -- suddenly have to be cleared with her first. And her answer is almost always, "No -- we're a couple now" (translation: "We're going to do things my way"). Almost overnight, we find ourselves trapped, doing what she wants to do, regardless of his own wants or desires.
Loss of spaceWe like guy things -- we need "guy space" for stuff like cars, tools and watching kick-ass action flicks. But women want to take over, to "female up" what used to be exclusive male territory with frilly drapes and paintings of flowers. In fact, they're so committed to feminizing all the space around them that they quickly start forbidding us to have any guy stuff at all. So suddenly you find the bathroom buried in female products, your leather couch has been reupholstered in pastel paisley, and the spot where you kept your tools has blossomed into an indoor herb garden.
One sex partner, foreverWe naturally crave sexual variety. When we commit -- either in marriage or cohabitation -- we willingly volunteer to cut ourselves off from any other sexual pursuits. Sexual boredom can set in, followed by a total lack of desire. For a lot of us -- even guys who weren't getting a lot of action anyway -- this can be the scariest consequence of all.
We've been burned beforeWhen we've been divorced and run through the wringer of the female-biased court system, many of us are reluctant (read "terrified") to risk a second commitment. Nowadays, we aren't exactly chomping at the bit to sign a contract legally allowing a woman to clean us out financially. Successful achievers -- those of us who have built companies and high-powered careers from the ground up -- are especially afraid of being forced to hand over all the fruits of our hard labor to a greedy female and may make the decision never to get involved in a serious relationship again.
The emotional baggageMany women look at marriage through Cinderella eyes -- for them, putting a ring on their fingers means that we will magically solve all their problems, from childhood issues with their fathers to huge shopping debts incurred on credit cards. Women often submerge their true personalities and agendas until the knot is tied -- but when the truth comes out and the we find ourselves legally bound to a greedy, nagging bitch, it's too late.
Lack of compromiseCommitment implies the ability to compromise -- ideally a marriage should be a 50/50 partnership in which each half contributes and shares equally. But to a woman, "compromise" often means "do it my way or you're cut off from sex." So we are forced into surrendering to this sexual blackmail if we want to get any sex at all, and the result is a terrible loss of male power.
Loss of free timeSerious relationships suck up an enormous amount of time and energy -- they can entirely take over our lives. The pressure is always on to do something, be it wine and dine her, interact with her family, remember her birthday, or pick her up from work. For some of us, all the bother just isn't worth the effort.
Not ready for itThese days, there are fewer societal pressures to marry and we can weigh our options instead of just jumping directly from school into marriage. We can afford to wait for that perfect woman while we concentrate on getting our careers off the ground, save to buy a house, or actively play the field.
Can't trust a womanWe learn pretty fast that many women can't be trusted -- they're always looking to upgrade, to latch onto a man with more money, more status and more stuff to sex-ploit. Commitment to a relationship means putting your heart on the line, and none of us want a sharp stiletto heel spiking us in the back as our ex-girlfriend scrambles over us to get to the next guy.
She applies pressureFor a lot of women, commitment is the finish line for their adult lives. They want to get married and they want to do so now . So they exert increasing pressure on us to settle down -- pressure that can cause us to pack up and leave.
Is she commitment worthy?Committing to a woman is serious business -- it's a decision that shouldn't be taken lightly. Too many men get married for the wrong reasons: they're getting older; all their friends are walking down the aisle; the woman is good-looking but lacks other desirable qualities; or they're scared they won't meet anyone else.
But it's normal to feel ambivalent -- even scared out of your mind -- about signing away all your other options for the rest of your life.
Whether or not you ultimately want to settle down is up to you, just be aware of the reasons you might be afraid to make that commitment.
But it's normal to feel ambivalent -- even scared out of your mind -- about signing away all your other options for the rest of your life.
Whether or not you ultimately want to settle down is up to you, just be aware of the reasons you might be afraid to make that commitment.
-Extract From Articles in AskMen.com-
What baffles me most is all the previous banter regarding being with a man for x amount of years and there being no sign of commitment, why are u still there? The reality's tough, but if you're not getting what you're after now, prior to being "committed" you've got no chance getting it later on.Stop wasting your time and move on. As the age-old saying goes "you can lead a horse to water, but u cant make him drink".Personally, if I can't be my partners everything, i'd rather be his nothing.They said they want to be with us,so they should brave enough to take another step to prove their love.Girls have different approach.They want something to bind their relationship.They want assurance that is marriage.There's no use to be in love without a knot.How long do u have to wait for him to get ready?U're only hurting urself to be with someone who're afraid of commitment.
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