Polygamy

“If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then(marry) only one…” (Qur’an 4:3-Surah An-Nisa')

In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously.In Islam, polygamy is allowed, with the specific limitation that men can only have up to four wives at any one time. However, the Qur'an specifically states that men who choose this route must deal with their wives as fairly as possible, doing everything that they can to spend equal amounts of time and money on each one of them. Although many Muslim countries still retain traditional Islamic law which permits polygamy, certain elements within some Muslim societies challenge its acceptability. For example, polygamy is prohibited by law in Tunisia, Turkey and Bosnia-Herzegovina. In general, Polygamy is not allowed if it will become a destructive behavior and carelessness. And the husband who is misusing it, he is basically misusing the law.

Polygamy is one of the controversial questions in the family system of Islam.There are people who object to polygamy, but accept polygamous life as a form of human behaviour. Many eyebrows are raised at having a second wife, 'but to have at many 'mistresses' or 'girlfriends' as one likes is accepted in good grace.It is the most hated & scared word among women.Even some try not to speak or imagine that word,afraid it might happen to them.Many women can't accept polygamy as it will mean sharing their beloved husband with other woman.

The following are the major disadvantages of polygamy from the Wife Perspective:
A. Less time with the husband; since his spared time is now shared between two or more wives
B. Less attention
C. Jealousy and unshared love; since the woman likes to have full attention and full unshared love from her partner.
D. Family malfunctioning and Chaos since husband spends less time with the children i.e. less discipline and guiding.
E. Less money saved or given to the wife and children since money should be shared co-equally with the other family.
F. Population problems that burden the society since both wives (may be more) are going to have children.
G. Unfairness and discrimination; since the husband can have more than one partner while the wife should marry only and exclusively one.

Islam allows polygamy on some condition and here are some of them:
a-The wife(s) has no objection about polygamy during or before the marriage contract. And if the husband disregards that, the wife has the right to raise that to the Islamic court.
b-Equitable treatment for all the wives
c-Number of wives not to exceed four.

I've seen polygamy practised in my family & surroundings.My auntie's husband married another woman a few years back.It was a shock to my auntie bcoz' his husband keep the marriage as a secret.Their long time marriage almost collapse, luckily it still can be saved until now.But my auntie still can't accept the second wife.My cousin's in-laws also practised polygamy but they can live harmoniously together under one roof.So here i can see 2 situations;the good & the bad result of polygamy.

As for me,i didn't reject the concept of polygamy bcoz' it's something that permitted by islam but i'm just not ready to face it in my life.I just couldn't imagine it happen to me.I just couldn't imagine sharing my husband with other woman;today he's with me & the other day he's with others.Like my collegue said,she couldn't imagine the same body she hug & sleep with,hugged & slept by other woman.I haven't think that far.It's not that i'm too greedy to keep him for myself but i'm afraid of sharing my love.I'm afraid he wouldn't love me heartily.I just couldn't imagine sleeping alone whereas he's sleeping with others.Yes everyone is jealous but jealousy with a cause.

My fiance once asked,what if someday he want to marry another woman as his second wife?I just keep silent.He said i can't object his request bcoz' that means i object the islamic rules.In order to be 'isteri mithali' or obedient wife,a wife should grant her husband's wishes.I gave him a simple answer;i'll allow him to marry another woman to avoid him committed the sin but then he has to grant my wishes.What is the condition?he asked.After marrying her,let me go or in a simple word,divorce me.He said,he can't divorce me as the first wife is the important person in a man's life.She's the one who's been through the good & the bad.He said,he can't & he wouldn't do that even if i raise it to the court.

The other day he asked again the same question.Jokingly i said,if u still want to marry another but reluctant to divorce me,i will allow but with a condition;i need a big car with a driver,a bungalow with a maid & monthly allowance.He said i'm such a materialistic woman.No,it's not about materialistic or not,it's mean he eligible to marry again if he can grant my wishes.I don't want him to remarry but at the same time burden his wives.It's hard to measure fair in love & feeling but we can see it clearly in terms of material.When u have more than a wife,it means ur financial condition should be solid enough to support them all.If he can give them all for me then i'll allow him to marry again.& i wouldn't mind if he won't see me as much as b4.I'm ready to live alone if he decided to marry again.I don't want to beg for his love & affection.I don't want to plead for his time.For he should know his responsibilty.I've known him for almost 7 years & i knew his current financial condition.But no one knows if one day he turns into a millionaire.

Infidelity

Last night my fiance told me about our friend,abang zahar.Actually he is married with 3 sons.The eldest is in standard 4 whereas the youngest is 3 years old.Her wife works as a kindergarten teacher whereas,for the time being,he's unemployed.Previously he worked as a driver to a 'Datuk'.I keep wondering why he always spend his time in jln ipoh,kl whereas he had a wife & kids.Sometimes i feel he's not acting like any other married man.He wonders around with his father-in-law's car until 4 or 5 o'clock in the morning.I asked my fiance,doesn't her wife get angry or scolded him?He already had a wife & kids,why doesn't he spend his time with them?If i,surely i'll get angry.I jokingly said,i'll lock our bedroom's door if he wonders around like a single man.Hahaha...

But last night,my fiance revealed everything.Instead of married,he has a lover or may i say a mistress.She lived in jln ipoh,kl.So,no wonder he always there when my fiance called him.How could he do that?He had a happy family.What else he wants?Actually they had known each other long time ago b4 he get married to his wife.During his youngster years,he was a 'kaki perempuan'.He had a lot of girlfriends & that is girl is one of them.She was closed & special to him more than other girls.His wife was only a casual friend but they got married when she got pregnant.Luckily he want to responsible for what they did.So they got married bcoz' of the 'incident'.I wonder whether he married his wife bcoz' of love,responsibility or just bcoz' he had to.

But what i don't understand is why did he still with that girl?Is it bcoz' they had plan to get married b4 this but instead he has to marry his pregnant gf?When he went out or his wife & kids 'balik kg',he'll spend his time at his gf house.What he did there?Better don't ask bcoz' we can imagine what can 2 people do when they were together.Furthermore they loved each other.Even my fiance constantly told him to marry his gf.Yea,they had gone too far,so what's left to be done?How long they want to do this things?How long this had to happen?How long he want to deceive his family?How long they want to saddle the sin?

My fiance also wonders,how's special is that girl compare to his wife?He said, abang zahar's wife is more beautiful & younger compared to her.Now she work as a teacher whereas that girl only a clerk for a driving school.Both of them from pahang.Even she knew about abang zahar's status,a married man to 3 boys.He is a responsible husband & father to his family.He treats his family very well.They are very close to each other.So,what's the hell is he wants more?And what does the girl wants?Is it bcoz' they still love each other?Is it bcoz' the lust?Is it bcoz' he's feeling bored of his recent life & want a new paradigm?Is it bcoz' he want to correct his mistake of not marrying her instead of his wife?Ah,too many unanswered question here!

Actually his wife knew about his infidelity accidently.The story is quite funny bcoz' their kids told her.Sometimes he brought along his kid when he went to his gf house.So one day his wife asked his kids where did his father brought them.His 6 years old son told her & even showed her that girl's house.And to make it dramatic,on the day his wife went to his gf house,he was there & the girl was also there.So the truth has been revealed.So that's why not long ago my fiance told me abang zahar had a big fight with his wife & almost divorce.So this is why.His wife told him,if he still love her & the kids,leave that girl.To make things better,he consented.To prove his loyalty,he spend his time at home with his family almost the whole day for almost a year.& to enhance the situation,his gf told his wife she was sorry about the mess & promised not to see his husband anymore.She even said she'll left kl for good & went back to her home town, kuantan.

The drama was so good.They were 2 very best actress & actresses.Why?Bcoz' it was only a phony.They said that to patch up the situation.Actually she didn't left kl & they still see each other until this date.If only his wife knows about this.I'm sure her wounded heart will bleed again.If i was her,i won't forgive him anymore.They jointly lied to her.& i wonder whether his wife is still believe him 100% after the incident?

Why one person should betray his/her loved one?Why?They have found their love but why should they find another?Is it bcoz' the exist love isn't enough & they need more?Is it bcoz' the existing love has fade out?Is it bcoz' they had it for fun & lust?Is it bcoz' they feel they had found their true love?So what about the love they had have?I just don't no bcoz' these are the question i want to ask my fiance but wouldn't dare to ask.

I had this experience that i never share with others.It happen quite long time ago & i've learn to forgive & forget.My fiance also had another girl in his life instead of me.I never met her but i've seen her picture accidently & i've talked to her on the phone.She admitted she is his special gf & he had known her earlier than me,but not more than a year b4 that.He even brought her to meet his family back at his home town & he had spend the night at her house at kuala selangor many times.& during the day,at that time he was jobless,he always spend his time at shah alam bcoz' she lived there.He even brought her to our house in kl.She knew about me bcoz' he talked a lot about me & our relation as a friend/sister (i'm older than him).No wonder he always in shah alam when i called him during the day.At night,he with me.

I suspected his behaviour but i had no prove.I'm afraid to ask him.Why?Maybe bcoz' i'm afraid to know the truth.This situation keeps going quite long until one day i had a big fight with him.I didn't asked directly but i gave a hint to him.As i suspected,he never admit.Until one day he disappeared MIA without any words.That's the time when i called his gf & she revealed everything.But until now,i just don't know how far is their relationship bcoz' he didn't want to mention it anymore & he asked me to respect his decision.Even b4 that,that girl told me she'll leave him to give me a chance.

I don't know how they settle it but the last call i got from her,she cried bcoz' he won't let her go.He kept calling her & even waited for her infornt of her office & house.She had to seek help from her sisters & brothers.She even told me,her family forbid her to befriend him anymore.He confessed to her he had no feeling towards me.On that time,i've lost hope & i tried to live without him.On that time,i've known,who am i to him even though he didn't said it directly to me.But may be God had decide our match,we met again & long after that we engaged.I admit,my heart hurt very much for what had happened,sometimes i still hurt but i've learn how to heal my wound.I learn the sweetness of forgiven & to forgive.& i still learning to forget it for good.

Do i believe him 100% right now bcoz' of his former unfaithfulness & betrayal?Erm,yes & no.Yes bcoz' it seems that he's spending his times with me.He even take me everywhere he go.No never hide his hp like he used to do.That's it?No,i just knew it.I've this feeling inside saying he has changed.No bcoz' the wound hasn't healed 100%.Even it has stop bleeding but the scar is still there.Sometimes when the uncertainty feelings appear,the memory just come back.It's true people said,it's easy to forgive but hard to forget.But what ever happened,i'll try to trust him again.What ever happened,i'll keep on forgiving him & try to disregard his mistake bcoz' nobody is perfect.As long as i have a grudge against him,my life won't be at peace & we can't live in harmony together.

Mr/Ms Perfect

Perfect = flawless, absolute, accomplished, aces, adept, beyond compare, blameless, classical, consummate, crowning, culminating, defectless, excellent, excelling, experienced, expert, faultless, finished, foolproof, ideal, immaculate, impeccable, indefectible, masterful, masterly, matchless, paradisiac, paradisiacal, peerless, pure, skilled, skillful, sound, splendid, spotless, stainless, sublime, superb, supreme, ten, unblemished, unequaled, unmarred, untainted, untarnished, utopian.

Nobody is perfect in this whole world.Only god & our prophet perfect.So,how come i hear one person long for a perfect person to be their couple?At what degree they measure perfection?

For me,i also look for a mr perfect to be my long live husband but perfect here means perfect in my eyes only.Perfect for me are fit/suit to myself & ideal.I admit my fiance is not a perfect person,so do i.So we tried to complete each other.He is not a handsome man but he has a good heart.One day he can turn into a bad tampered person but he can be as nice as possible another day.I accept him as he is.I like him the way he is.He never pretending to win my heart.And i act naturally.It's no used to be an imposter to tackle someone.

I laugh when i saw a person either girl or boy,behaving themselves nicely when they were together.For instance a friend to my friend.When she was with his bf,she act like she's the angle.When they eat together,she eat very slow,every bite in a small portion & the most behavior i hate,leftovers.She'll left the food aside to save her grace.She's afraid what her bf will say.Macam la lapar sgt.But it was only an acting bcoz' when she was with her gf friends or at home,she'll eat greedyly.Pinggan pn nk telan kalu boleh telan.Why?Bcoz' she wants to look perfect in front of her bf.But how long she can pretend like that?When she get married,can she pretending like that everytime they were together?

For me,people have known me exactly as they see me.I'm not a good pretender.I'm no good at lying.I act infront of others especially my bf as i act when i'm alone or at home.My bf always joke about my eating habit.I'll totally finish my food.I'll make sure my plate empty.My habit makes dish washing an easy job,my bf said.I'm not ashame bcoz' that's what my family taught.Finish ur food,don't left anything except bone & others that shouldn't be eaten.When i was small,food is a precious thing in my family.My mum made sure there's no leftovers.It such a waste to throw away ur food,she said.Just imagine other people who had not enough to eat.

Other thing is our appearance.Some will make sure to look their very best when meeting their loved one.They smell very good like just have bath with perfume.There wore the most beautiful & good-looking cloth they have.They,especially girls,wore make-up like they just having make-over from professional make-up artist.But when they're alone or at home,they wear whatever cloth they can grab,sometimes the cloth should have already been dump into the bin or used to mop the floor.They hardly wore any make-up,sometimes 'berserabai mcm org lepas pantang'.Hehehe.Perfume?Sometimes they don't bother to use soap when have bath.Worst than that,they just have bath when they want to go out.

Why they act like these?Bcoz' they want to look perfect in the eyes of their loved one.Bcoz' of these,when we get married,please don't feel miserable when our loved one remark our behaviour.U can't pretend all the time.So,for me,don't look for a perfect guy to live with u,look for an average one bcoz' who knows,he'll the most perfect person u never imagine in ur life.

Welcome To My House

At last,i finally move in to my new house.Late yesterday evening,me,my fiance & abang zahar begin to transport my belongings.It takes 3 trips of journey from kl to cheras.What a moving.Whenever thought our stuff that much.I told him already to hire a lorry but he decline as he convinced that the lorry is too big compare to our stuff.We started at 4.30 & ended at about 8.30pm.I waited at the house whereas my fiance & abang zahar transport the my stuff.Poor them as it rains heavily & the boxes are heavy.Overall,all my belongings have been move out from previous house but there are a few other things left out as it's too big to put in the car such as table & chairs.& he also forgot to bring along the mattress,broom,scope & floor mop.He wants to left the table & chairs but how are we going to eat & sit?I'm going to check again the house to see what are other things we missed since i haven't give back the house key to the landlord.I have another week to clear the house.
After we put all the things into our house,we take a short break;dinner.We forgot that we haven't had dinner yet.So we ate a large dinner.We are so tired,we flock the stuff in one room.Erm,i'm not sure how & when are we going to unpack the things.I only take out our comforter,blanket,pillows for the night.All we need that time is sleep & nice rest

Last night i can't sleep as my body aches.B4 that i never mind the tiredness as i want to move the stuff as soon as possible.But overall i'm very satisfied even though my body aches like hell.My fiance also very satisfied with the house as he haven't see it b4 this.This what we call home,he said.
8.00am this morning i wake up.Iron my 'baju kurung' & manage to wash the curtain.Last night i've washed other cloths but i've no power to wash those curtain.Buy 9.15am i go to work.It only takes about 5 minutes.This is what i long for after all this time.No more worries of the traffic jam & the bus late.I can get up late than b4.I had a big breakfast with my fiance (abang) this morning as i didn't make any breakfast.It's not that i'm too lazy but i haven't unpack anything.I don't know where is our wok,spoon,onion,etc.B4 go to 'kedai me' for breakfast,i unlock the office door,afraid that dayah come early today.After breakfast,jenny (my boss) has already in the office.Luckily i've already open the office.If not she may be 'noisy' as she knew i'm already move in.1.00pm i go back to my house to have light lunch with abang.As usual,he slept like dead man.I know he was very tired.2.15pm i go back to the office.What a day & the day to come.
Over all,i'm very happy & satisfied with my new life.No more traffic jam,no more waiting for the bus,no more soaking wet when it rains heavily,no more late for dinner & most of all more time to rest & other stuffs.It's really peace & quiet here.No hustle bussle.We even can 'makan angin' at the balcony as it winds breezely.But there's no night life here.By 7.00pm it all go silent as the office closed for the day.By 10pm,it goes silent like we're in the remote village.The only light we can see are from 7-11 & 24-hours mamak restaurant.Even though we used to noise & night life during we're in kl but this is all we want for our new life.We hope our life will be more lucky & prosperous from now on.

Perfect Day

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I got a great news to tell.Yesterday afternoon,my lady boss brought me to see my new house.We met the landlord,a young chinese couple.I just stood there as my boss negotiate about the rental & other matters.After the nego,we agreed to all the terms & conditions.Rental-rm380/month.Rental deposit 1+1.Water,electricity & maintenance deposit-rm200.Erm,what a relieve even though the rental above my expectation.Thanks to my boss nego skills bcoz' the rental should be rm400 & they asked rm400 for utility deposit.& bcoz' of my boss,they let me move in this week,free w/out any extra charges.They'll prepair the agreement to be sign early next month.
After all,i'm very satisfied with the rental & the house condition.As what i dreamed of,the house is at tmn orkid,first floor,middle/infront lot.It has 3 rooms.It was very clean & the wall paint was very cheerful & fresh with floor tiles.It has a balcony where i can hang my damp cloth & maybe rest there;ambil angin.Since it was located at 1st floor,it has a small area called ventile hole.The landlord renovate it to be the wet kitchen with a sink & extra pipes.So the previous kitchen quite spacious.They also gave me a unplug kitchen cabinet.I can use it to keep the plate,glasses & other kitchen utilities.The house also has a ceiling fan in the living room & wall-hang fan in the master bedroom.So,i need not buy other fan.The windows & doors have been grilled so it's very safe to stay there.Above all that,it has a small flaw,there's only 1 washroom;toilet+shower room but it's quite spacious but only one person can use it at a time.
So,as i agreed,my boss will pay for the deposits first.She also lend me some money to hire a transport to move my belongings.She called someone to transport it but the hire fees quite expensive,rm180.I'm supposed to transport it yesterday but we haven't finish packing up.We plan to move in last night but the rain pours heavily since late afternoon till' night.So,we decide to move in today.Last night,we pack our things until 4.30am.That evening we went to hire a car to transport our belongings but fail to find any.My fiance thought the hire fees was very expensive since our things are not that much & they were only medium size item.We got no big things such as bed,freezer,washing machine.Late at night we went to chow kit to have dinner as we didn't cook for the last time.My fiance met his friend & manage to borrow his boss' vehicle for only rm90.So,that night we tried to finish packing up bcoz' we want to move in at morning as usually it's raining at evening.
But alas,his friend forgot about it as he was overslept.So,as we got no other choices,he seek help from his friend,abang zahar.We ask him to transport our belongings with his car,kancil but we agree to pay him.Actually be didn't tell him about aour moving bcoz' my fiance don't want anyone else know where we're going.He wants to leave all his friend & build a new life.Even though he know sooner or later abang zahar will know as they were very close.So,want it or not,we've no other choice.Hopefully abang zahar will keep it as a secret.

Day Note - Love Ur Child

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Yesterday,once more we make a date.Since he was busy packing our belongings,he has no mood to cook.So,he decided to ask me to have dinner at the stall.This time he pick Sogo as our meeting point.Since it was friday & raining,the traffic stuck & i arrive late.Luckily he's still waiting for me.On our way to the food court,we find a small malay boy in a lift crying.He was alone.When we ask,he said he lost his mother.Aiyoh,how can that happened?So,we go find the security & alert them about the missing boy.His name is syami & he is 6 years old.He's still crying when the security alert the complex management.I was impressed bcoz' he can remember his mother's name.After waiting for quite sometimes,her mother arrived.He ran to his mother.Actually he was separated from his mother when they want to get in the elevator.He get in first b4 his mother.I wonder how can he get in the lift alone?Didn't anybody else see him or with him in there bcoz' i saw the lifts were always full.But when we found him,he was alone in that lift.
He was lucky bcoz' found by us.What if someone else found him?Nowadays many children went missing believed been kidnapped.This situation reminds me of the case of Yin.He went missing while his parents busy shopping in the same complex,sogo.Luckily he was sent back by his keeper.Last few months,many children missing either finally found dead or lost w/o trace.Nurin (dead),sharlinie,awi,just name a few went missing til' this date.What if that boy was found by bad person?Surely,another name listed as a missing person.Who will suffer?His parents & family members.

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I found that this things happened bcoz' of the parents' carelessness.U can bring along ur child but keep ur eyes on them.Please do not bring ur small children in the crowd.Or u can craddle them to avoid the separation.Many times i heard the complex management or the anouncer announced of a missing boy either in the shopping mall/concert/exhibition.Even though we knew that children like to walk around & eager to explore new places but please held them for their own protection.Let them cry.Better than u as their parents cry when they get lost.
Enough of that story.About our moving...erm.Actually we're suppose to move out today but yesterday evening my boss asked me to move in on sunday.He'll hire a lorry to transport my belongings bcoz' his son is going to be busy today.But why sunday?Bcoz' he'll take me to see a house at tmn orkid.He've found the house for me & today we're supposed to see the house owner & the house itself.He'll try to pursuade the owner to let me move in tomorrow.Actually my fiance is not very happy with the news bcoz' he want to move as soon as possible.But i think it's for our own good.If we move direct to the house,we don't have to move twice.I've to assure him we'll going to move out this week as we've inform my previous landlord.So,whatever happen,i've to wait for my boss.

Opposite Attraction

When 2 people fall for each other,there's must be bcoz' of the attraction caught by their eyes.Some fall for the identical or similarity.Some fall for the difference or dissimilarity one has.Some said they can attach to others bcoz' of the similarity they have.They may have same interest in hobbies,food & drinks,style,features,etc.Some said they can relate to others bcoz' of the difference they have.They may have different interest.
Some said it's boring to know someone who have the same interest.For instant the hobby.They tend to do the same thing together everytime.Bcoz' of the sameness,there's no variety in their activity.They want some space for themselves.They want the difference as their identity.But for some people,it's a wish come true if they could find someone who have the same interest.They can spend the time together & not to argue what to do when spending time together.There're always pros & cons in this matter.
For me,i don't mind at all.Since i never think of what kind of person i want as my soul mate,it never a problem to me.But i'm blessed bcoz' there's a difference & similarity between me & my fiance.
First of all,we're both form same state,trganu.So,there're a lot of similarness between us.In terms of dialect,we can understand each other very well.In terms of foods,we have the same tongue;all trganu food.Our food are different from other state so it's easy when finding food to eat bcoz' we'll try to find the stall sold food identical with trganu food.Curry is ok with us but not the thick curry they sold almost at all stalls in kl.Both of us not fond of milk or anything white like soya drink & taufufah.Both of us like western food so we like to eat pizza & spagetti.But he hates cheese & vege they had.I love all kind of vege but not him.He'll make sure no vege,onion,garlic,ginger in his food.If not,he'll ditch the food.Both of us like fish,chicken & meat but he'll never eat 'ayam kg','ayam kg' egg,duck,duck egg or anything made from them.
In terms of tv programmes,he likes kungfu or action story whereas i like detective/investigation story like ,mistery & science fiction series.But most important thing is both of us love cartoon.We'll spend our saturday & sunday morning watching cartoon.
We like to spend time at home with each other.I never thought that he actually prefers to be by himself as i am.It's not that we didn't like to mix around with other people but we prefer to break ourself away from crowds.
When we read the reading materials,both of us have a habit or reading backward,read from the back.But when reading news paper,he read the sports column first whereas i prefer to read the headline or main news.So that we can share the same paper w/o takes turn reading it.I likes to read informative magazine i.e. cleo but he prefers comics book i.e. pedang setiawan. In terms of sport,i'm not very keen in it.I only fell in love with & whereas he's into all kind of sports especially .
We love each other for the difference & the similarity we had.We can share the informative knowledge we had.We have our own freedoms & we don't have to depend to each other.We have our own interest so that we can have our separate life.We have same interest so that we can spend time together.