Friends For Life

Suddenly, i just don't know why, i keep dreaming of my old friends lately.I realized, nowadays, i lost contact with all my friends.B4 this, i have a few good & really closed friend from uni.I must admit that i've lost contact with all my friend from school since i entered UUM.Further more, only 2 of us entered uum & all my other friends entered uia, um or kusza.We're going different way.But then, now i keep losing my friend from uni too.Most of all, bcoz they've entered a new different world,i mean,they already married,so no time for single friend like me any more.Midah,achik,eza,nor,mek nor,just named a few,married already.B4 this,i like to write letters to a few my best buddies,sara,baity,anne,rocky.But then,since i came to KL,i'm very lazy to write anymore & all of them have disappeared.Don't know why.Maybe they've married also but i haven't reaceived any invitation card from them.

Only za & rocky left.S'times i keep exchanging sms with rocky & whenever i balik kg,i tried to meet her at her house since we're living nearby.I've known her since the medical check-up day in HKT.Then left za.She's the only one who work & live here in KL(selangor).We used to contact each other.S'times she came to KL just for lepak2 & chit chatting.Furthermore, we're the only single lady in our group.We keep teasing each other;who's going to get married first & who will be left behind.But then she engaged with Mamat in Dec'2006.I felt very happy for her eventhough i know that i'm going to be the last person in our group get married.I felt happy for her bcoz finally she's ready to accept another man in her life after being cheated & dumped by her former boyfriend,Zam.

We went together to Semua House to find her things & decorations for her engagement hantaran.She looked very excited even though i knew that she's a little bit upset & worried about Mamat.Actually Mamat is a married man.On that time,he's in the process of divorcing his wife.I'm a little bit worried too bcoz she kept secret about mamat's status from her family.I'm the only one knew about his position.I knew that her family won't accept mamat bcoz of his status.I knew most of parents didn't want their daughters to bmadu.Too many bad things from good things.So, that's why she kept it as a secret.Further more,he just an ordinary guy with a low qualification & not so stabil job.I understand if her family can't accept him bcoz they're not a very ideal couple in terms of looks,status,qualification,jobs etc.She's a graduate with a stabil & good job.She's good looking & looks young even though she's already 33.She has a car & most of all, she's still anak dara.

But then, the engagement ceremony went on well despite of the secret.He came to trganu with his god family.His own family didn't come bcoz they want to jaga hati his wife even though on that time he already divorced his wife (o/side the court) .Then, the ribut came.A few days after that she knew that he already get back to his wife the day b4 the engaged.She's very mad & explode during that time.Then,don't know why,he divorced her wife once again.Za's life became very miserable but she decide to get married with mamat no matter what.She said she didn't care eventhough after this mamat get back to his wife.She didn't care eventhough she has to live alone after married to mamat.S'times i'm surprised myself with za.Why she did want to suffer her life living with mamat?Why she's ready to live on her own despite having a husband?Why?She has a lot of other choices.She can break the engagement & if she has to live alone after that,it's ok bcoz she has no string attached.She can do whatever she wants.If she live alone after getting married,i really believed that she's even more suffer.What's the meaning of getting married & having a husband if we have to live alone, by ourself?A husband should protect us as his wife,by our side through the good times & the bad times.S'times,sorry to say,i felt that za is desperate to get married.I understand that we're in the mid 30's.People can call us anak dara tua (Andartu or andalusia).Our biology clock is clicking very fast.But then,why should we sacrifice our life & future to shut other people's mouth?

I understand what she felt bcoz' i'm facing the same situation eventhough i'm younger than her (only 1 year difference).S'times i also felt very lonely.Our friends seem forgetting about us.Mentang2 kitaorg still single.I keep thinking why did the kept away from us?Maybe they're buzy with their new life.Or maybe they're afraid we'll snatch their husband?Hahaha...nonsense!I admit that i felt jealous when i see my friends have their own family;good husband & lovely children.I keep thinking,when will i have the same life,having my own family?S'times i felt upset when people (especially our family) kept asking,when we're getting married?Every time we balik kg,we heard the same question.Whenever our family members especially younger than us are getting married,people kept whispering.It seems that we're not laku.There's time when we start to keep away from any family gathering bcoz we're tired to listen the same question.

It's not that we're very choosy.We only look for a responsible and honest man to be our soulmate.We don't care if he's only a spm holder.We don't care if he's only a kuli.We don't care if he doesn't own any vehicle.We don't care if he has an average look.The most important things,he can make us happy.But nowadays,men tends to very choosy themselves.They looked for the girls who have at least a diploma or degree,have a very good & professional job,own a car,received large salary & most important things,beautiful & sexy.

I can't hide my feeling when za's weding date is coming.I think what will be happen to me b'coz after this,i'm going to be the only one left singlehood.She promised to keep in touch with me but that's what our married friends said b4 getting married.Eventhough i've a steady boyfriend on that time(now he's my fiance),i still don't know the future.But,i still happy for her.Whenever she told the argument & misunderstanding between her & mamat,i told her to be patient bcoz' that is the challenge faced by engaged couple.I felt something is happen between them but then i don't dare to ask her.She kept telling me her doubts & worries.

Then,a musibah happened to me & zaki.He was caught two days b4 hari raya.He was acused of owned a stolen motorcycle.During that time,i felt very hopeless.My life turn upside down.I couldn't eat,i couldn't sleep,i couldn't concentrate on my job.But there's always hikmah di sebalik musibah.Bcoz' of the tragedy,a day b4 raya haji,we engaged.The plans was very short & last minute but the outcome was very splendid.Everyone,my & his family was very shock with our decision bcoz' of the shirt notice.Our ceremony was not big but cheeful.

A few days after raya puasa,i told za my plan of getting engage. A few days b4 my engagement,i told za again but she seems not very happy.Not as happy as i am when she's getting engaged.I went to select & bought my hantaran by myself b'coz she seems not able to come along with me.Actually a few days after raya puasa,za told me she has break their engagement.I was really shock bcoz' b4 raya she told me mamat is coming to his house in trganu to discuss about their wedding.The wedding was plan on dec'2007.I didn't know what had happened.She only told me mamat has got back to his wife for the 2nd time a few days b4 raya.And now all her family members knew about him,his status.Promptly her family asked her to break the engagement.She was scolded of keeping the secret all this time.Her father was not agreed to accept that kind of son-in-law.They felt she's being used by that man.No used of getting married to an uncertain mind person bcoz' he kept changing his decision.

So,she had to break the engagement even though she didn't want to.She was forced by her family & it's out of her willingness.All her friends accept me agreed & support her tindakan.Mamat has asking her forgiveness and ready to responsible for waht he did.He want to marry za & she's ready to accept him & his forgiveness.But what make me uncomfortable with her decision is,she kept saying she felt sorry & pity for him.She said people always bullied him,so by getting married to him,she can help him.Oh no,what had happened to my friend?She want to marry this man bcoz' of kesian?People married bcoz' of love, affection, adoration, devotion,passion.We lied to ourself if we accept other people bcoz' we felt pity.It's like we're not being honest to the person.I can't believe za is thinking like this.I've known her since 1995.We're close during our 2nd year in uum & we're getting very close since we came to KL.I knew her.She was very strong & firm with her decision.It's hard to bully her.She did what she said.She kept her word.She's an extrovert person,very assertive & confident.It's hard to see her depressed,gloomy or unhappy.

After the incident,she seems to be introvert.She talked less.She seems very sad & letarghy.She start to keep herself away from other people.She has changed.Now i undertsand when people said love can change oneself.She said,now she didn't want to think about anything bcoz' now she lived under others decision.I'm quite suprise when she said that she never complain or criticize her friend's choice.It's she mad at me becoz' of what i said?I just said that her family decision was right bcoz' it's clear that mamat is not firm with his decision.He has divorced his wife 2 times & keep getting back to her when his family pressured him.Can za lived with that kind of man for the rest of her life?What's the meaning of marriage if to be left afterward?What's the point of married to be called a janda after that?What about her family?When we get married to someone,means that we married to his/her family.The problem is,his family seems cannot accept za bcoz' his former wife is his family choice.Erm.....headache2...

I didn't condemn mamat.I just said what i think.I felt mamat should stick to one decision.He should choose either her or his wife.Mamat can't choose both bcoz' he cannot afford it.I don't want za to be used afterward.B4 this,he's using her name to buy a motorcycle(but the motor was stolen 2 weeks after that).She has to pay the loan herself.Then,she's the one who support him when he didn't received any salary.She's the one who cook for dinner or lunch for him to make sure he saved his pay.She let him used her car to work & also send & fetch his former wife.So,can he support two wives with his condition?Surely he can't.Surely za has to help him.I don't want her to be used.If what i said is wrong,i'm really sorry.After all,i'll support whatever her decision.

But,she seems to remote herself.She haven't called me for quite sometime.She didn't answer my massage.She didn't reply my YM even though i know she's online on that time.She didn't congratulate me & share her happiness for my engagement.She didn't say a word about my engagement.I'm sad becoz' she seems didn't care.My friend said maybe she felt jealous of me.Why should she felt like that?I never felt jealous when she engaged last time.Maybe she felt sad bcoz' i'm engaged whereas she just break-up.I know that after grad from uum,she always lucky compared to me.She got her first job instantly upon graduation whereas i've to menganggur for a year even though i grad first.She got her present job with a good salary whereas i still strive to get a better job till this day.She got her first boyfriend a year b4 i knew my fiance.She engaged whereas i still don't know where i am in the man's heart.She bought her first car & then change to a better car whereas i still can't afford it.She own a canggih handphone & credit card whereas i still not eligable to have one.

But then,she broke-up with her first boyfriend whereas i'm still with the same boyfriend.Then,she broke her engagement during my engagement.I'm planning my wedding right now whereas she's still struggle with her problems.Does it these make her jealous of me?

Whatever happened,i still love her as a friend.She has helped me a lot.I've troubled her a few times but she kept forgive me.We shared a lot of secret,going through good & bad times together.We keep supporting & console each other.But now,i don't know how to talk to her bcoz' i'm afraid i'll say something that will make her sad & kecik hati.I want to share my happiness but i don't know how.Let the time heals her heart.......

"In the right light, at the right time, everything is extraordinary"